The one about the time to leave
Potential long post, on my random thoughts.
Finally I can put behind the turmoils that has been going through my mind for the past few months. Now I can finally let loose my feeling and announced to the IJ community.
Yes the rumours are true, I am leaving IJ. I have infact on various occasions hinted my imminent departure. But perhaps my usually tongue in cheek manner and delivery always made things obscure. And yes finally after 5 years of services to IJ, I finally pick up the courage to move on to something new, to climb my own Everest. It is one of the most painful and most difficult decision thatI have to make throughout my whole adult life till now.
They said familiarity breed contempt, I say familiarity creates bonds, it builds emotions, it creates emotional ties that is hard to break. I never thought that I will be making the move, as I was so emotionally attached to the school, "simple in virtue, steadfast in duty" and to think that I actually resented the fact that I was posted to IJ when I first joined to school in 2000. But the school, the people, the colleagues, the culture, and You every unique IJ girl won me over, bit by bit.
My decision to leave was made in June 2005 and everything is finally confirmed in september 2005. That was when I decided to try to stay distant, it is not that I don't care but I was hoping that it will be easier then for me to finally really pack up and go. I am actually glad that the one month plus of O levels will be a good cooling off period for me. And the cooling off period have allowed me to decide when I should finally say goodbye to all. Maybe I should just recollect the things that were happening to me. It has been a difficult few months for me. It was difficult for me to make the decision to keep everything a secret and pretend that everything is ok.
Forgive me for not telling you all especially the sec 4 and my form class and for spoiling such a wonderful thing during the PAE briefing, for I didn't know what type of impact it will have on all of you. For the rest of the other class and my CCA girls and those who have worked with me, sorry for choosing to "fade away" like this... Sorry that I am so egoistic and think that the departure of the form teacher will affect the performance of my sec 4s. forgive me for my delusion if that was so untrue.
Please do not say I am heartless, please do not say I don't care, for I have devoted 5 years of undivided attention and service to IJ. And I think, in this, I have shown myself to be a loyal servant to the school. I have no regrets, well actually just one, is that I won't be there to give the piece of the O level results slip to my sec 4/4 girls. That in my opinion would have been a perfect closure to an amazing 2 years as their form teacher.
I hope that I can keep my emotions during the Grad night. After all it is also my graduation night - an end to all my bonds with IJ. If I got uncontrollable, please don;t blame me, I am not going to be all macho, I am an IJ boy by the way. :P Maybe the whole class can do something crazy and dance to the beat of "Hey Baby". That will be cool... :P
On 2 Jan 2006, I will devote my attention to a new group of students, to build bonds with a new group of colleagues, to serve a new school. And once again, I would like to thank IJ for the wonderful memories. The chapter is now closed, for the sec 4s, go on and find your own sky and rest assured that even though I am no longer an IJ teacher, I will always be part of IJ from the bottom of my heart.