The Ego One's Sick Random Mumblings

I’m bushed.

Had been working hard these few weeks. Damn haven't been working so hard since the beginning of the year. I think I need an MC. Incoherent as the above points are, I realise one very important point: that getting sick and getting an MC, are usually mutually exclusive events, or in a purely mathematical form if Getting sick is represented by the subset S and getting an MC is Subset M. Then S intersect M is a null set.... I have seen girls who look extremely sickly during lessons but was perfectly energetic after school. What magical medicine are they eating??

Anyway fast backwards to a case in point: In the army when I was "earning" my citizenship, I had this terrible case of stomach flu, but the doctor just blatantly refused to give me an MC. Damn. I hope he lose his license or something ( like fall into the drain and break his manhood... haha I am joking, I was actually hoping that he fall and injuried his manhood) But then again, my cursing never works and this doctor end up with a good marriage and 4 healthy kids. I think I should really be cursing more...

Anyway time jump to present day, to an older and wiser me. I realise that people nowaday are either falling sick really easy or they just failed to sound/look/smell convincingly sick. So I decided to help people around to by sharing with you guys some of my finer tactics in getting MCs:

1) NEVER go to the company doctor. They are paid not to give you adequate MCs.

2) Sleep as little as possible the night before, preferably under 5 hours. With this, you can achieve that ‘I-coughed-so-badly-I-couldn’t-sleep-last-night’ kind of look.

3) Don’t brush your teeth, wash your face, or comb your hair before the visit. This helps you achieve that haggard look, which complements Tactic #2. The doc probably wouldn’t appreciate your bad breath, but who gives a damn about him. He’s earning loads of money from you anyway.

4) Punctuate every sentence with a cough. This is also a test to see whether if your doc is genuinely concerned about you. The one true good doc I met actually poured a cup of warm water for me when I did this, and I felt very guilty after that. For about a few seconds.

5) INSIST on two day’s worth of MC. If need be, say something extreme like you really need the rest, if not you’ll cause a fatal accident or something in your workplace/school.

There you have it! Lo and behold, the joy of watching your doctor endorsing your MC is simply priceless. Finally, a word of caution: Don’t be too anal retentive and say you’ve got food poisoning or something when you really don’t, because the doc will probably proceed to stick some apparatus up the place where the sun don't shine for traces of discharge specimen.

If all things failed, ask you mom or dad to write you a letter, you can even keep a soft copy with delete if applicable symptoms of sickness for your mom or dad to sign. They are acceptable in school though..