Thursday, July 19, 2007

The One about making a mark

Several conversations with my coffee drinking kakis in school surfaced this question - what am I good at?
Of course I will refrain from that self condescending phrase that i am a good for nothing but I would rather look at the deeper meaning behind this.

What am I good at? In school this is always a perennial question that we ask of ourself and sometimes unfairly imposed on some people. When we had an issue/problem ( read S*** ) which we need a fast remedy, there will always be a person that will come to mind. when we need a snazzy powerpoint lesson, when we need someone to host a certain event, when we need someone who got plenty of resources for music/food, when we need someone to plan a major event, inevitably names do pop up. It is the stereotype, but it is also the reputation that one had gained; it is the thing that one is good at.

I was told in a very un-"subtle" way that I am a "good for nothing"- of course I dont mean an imbecile, but rather someone who have not really find a niche for myself. I have yet to make a "mark" on things that the upper management wanted me to, but I seems to be making "dents" everywhere. Light ones, things that obviously showed my work but yet not big enough to creat any obvious visual impact.

I may not be able to make a dent or mark so as to speak in the areas that I am supposed to. Maybe I am just a jack of all trade but master in none. I find it sad that for all the little dents, they were looking for marked improvement. The swashbuckling confidence had diminished and I realise I can never see myself as the person who came in this school as a leader. I have degenerated into a follower who have lost my direction. I can never put myself as the guru in my subject matter ( ironically) or even in National education a portfolio which I am given. The little dents made hardly create a ripple. And sometimes big marks will require not just perservance but also the preparedness of the tsunami that come along.

What am I really good at? Maybe you people would know. Maybe you people can tell me...

1 comment:

jaclyn said...

hey mr ng, just a little comment from a student of yours. heh. sometimes in order to lead, we have to be followers first too. dont be so hard on yourself. give yourself more time, and have confidence! in my heart, you have always been a great teacher, and one leader that i will always look up to. you have certainly made a great impact in my life. dont be too disheartened yet. have faith ay ((: