The thing about the  Mountain

so my big plans about scaling the mountain did not materialise :p

for the uninitiated, the july and early august period is an unsettling time for the teachers and the management.  This is when the annual opening posting starts and teachers are free to job hop in the big merry go round.  This is also the time, where negotiation between the schools management and the teachers take place, either to keep/"enslave" them for a long period in the promise of better job conditions, promotion, more /less responsibilities.  It is also a reality check for the teachers to see how highly the school valued you.  If you could see the management getting overly upset, using all sort of hard and soft persuasion and going into withdrawal syndrome because of your impending departure, congrats you must have done something really worthwhile in the lives of the students or in the lives of the management.

to be totally honest, i did venture to some interviews with a couple of schools.  It was more of a chance to hone my interview skills and to check if I would be able to do it in a brand new environment.  However the sad thing is that I am not able to leave as an appointment holder.  To cut the long story short, every teacher had a certain potential coming into the profession, it decrease with age and increase with the sweat and toil, and your ability to adjust and cope with the challenges that were given to the teacher.  sadly i dont have a high potential, at least not high enough to leave as a head of department.  Shocking isnt it? Not about why i have a low potential but how did i know about the school evaluation of me.. well that is the beauty of technology..

In fact i am not bitter about how things turn out, for I dont need others to determine my self worth. :)  What will not kill me, will make me stronger. :)

I guess I am kind of an optimist in this fashion.  Maybe...

The one about the June Holidays

The thing about being a teacher is that like all students, the post holiday blues set in and people get a bit grumpy about things.

For a teacher teaching in a secondary school in singapore, it is quite a luxury to have a week free from the daily routine of going back to school to clear stuff and to prepare for the next term. Things get worse when you are teaching a graduating class where they come back for the first 2 weeks of the June holidays for lessons. and then there is a whole schedule of meeting lined at the last week of the holidays. As I go through one meeting after another, it is a cruel reminder that the term is starting soon.

The morning assemblies, the mad rush for class, and running from class to class, deadline, markings, dealing with recaltricant students and of course the long and un-wirklife harmonius lifestyle again.... But then, it would have been foolhardy to merely want to enjoy with putting in effort now that the family of four need this bread and butter job. Sometimes it is quite an irony when teaching is supposed to be a calling from a higher being, to do what no man dare to do and yet the sad thing is that my perception had been a "live-a-day, eat-a-day, survive-a-day" mentality. Maybe it is the blues settling in...

The "mountain" is ripe for climbing... :P

The One about Pedra Branca



The reason behind why Singapore wanted Pedra Branca... other than the strategic location to guard our waters...

I hope I dont get sued like chee for something done tongue in cheek...

:P

Things in my head

In the midst of the marking frenzy, i felt that there is a need to catch a breather in an attempt to regain my sanity.

things are getting unthinkably draining here. maybe it is just the mid year fatigue that I have failed to get used for the 8 plus years of my teaching career. I am sick of the uncertainities that is happening and would really want to get my options settled.

the thing about being up there making decisions is a draining process, if it is not about making the right decision, it is about why a decision is to be made, and finally how to translate a decision into a series of action and the course of action to be taken. Seriously i am a bit tired with this. Maybe it is just me , but there are alot of things that I dont see eye to eye up till now. Perhaps it is just about the tipping point that will move things to try something new.

I am thankful that i turned my back on remaining in familiar ground 3 years back and moving to a new environment for it gave me the courage to try again. A aprt of me had been dead as a result of this, the sense of belonging. Maybe with the benefit of hindsight, this had been a good training ground for me but there is still something that up till now i have been having difficulties reconciling.. people called it pride but it is about ownership and the sense of "pride" of your own work. Sadly these feeling of achievement had been strongly lacking for the past few years. It had become more of a job and a task to be completed.

The thing about being there at the middle is that you are judged by people and at the same time you must judge others. A bad judgement of those who you are supposed to judgement translate to your capabilities as a leader which in turn will affect the way people judged you. In a no win situation, the exasperating thing is to do the role of the bad guy. Maybe it is just me but I hate the idea of doing the judging. This is my 3rd year doing this, and I am still uncomfortable with that. The worst is when things is about "who" rather than "what", that is when this job become tougher. I am tired about this more than anything. Give me the judging of a student, give me the judging of a class anytime.

it is time to make a decision about things. Let hope God will answer my prayers for a solution. :)

The one with the first month celebration preparation

before i knew it , the one week holidays had come and go. As i busied myself typing and tidying all the loose ends of stuff before the mad rush tomorrow, my wife reminded me that we need to prepare for xuan xuan's first month celebration. Not that I did not have a good rest, althogh I have been spending time at home, but helping to look after the number 2 in the family dont really quantify as a restful week.

In about 2 weeks time, my baby boy is going to be one month old. after much deliberation and consideration, we finally decided to call him "Ng Jing Xuan Varick" 黄靖轩 After also much deliberation, we decided to use the original spelling of the name Varick instead of variant such as Verrick and Verick and Veric. The name Varick stand for a defender who defend and hopefully he will live up to the name literally.

For the really uninitiated, it is customary that 1st month celebration for babies are celebrated with apblomb, to tell the world that the baby is strong and healthy, to tell the world that the mum can go out, and start bingeing on Macdonalds and wearing her slinky dresses and strappy heels. But then again I digress. As a result, I decide to arrange for 2 sessions, a buffet lunch in the afternoon for our colleagues and friends and a buffet dinner for our relatives. This promised to be a long day for us in 2 weeks time. After looking at the myriad of menus of food and stuff, I was confounded with an equally perplexing task of arranging timeslot ( yes you read this correctly) a la school's meet the parents session ( in this case meet the baby session) so that I will not have a situation when I have too many guests and unable to entertain them at the same time. However my missus also reminded me to be "extra careful' when arranging some of the ex colleagues and the present colleagues. This is just in case that I may, or they may accidentally blurt out things which was not meant to be heard by the public ear.

I think this whole thing is more stressful that whether to have teriyaki chicken wings or pizza bauguettes. Back to the drawing board.

The one with the baby

according to the script, Varick was born on 28 february 2008 after much anticipation.  I was wide awake and had a hard time trying to get to sleep on the night before.  Woke up at 4am and had difficulties falling asleep again.  Maybe it is the 2nd time jitters of being a dad again.  Decided to watch the movie "indiana Jones and the last crusade" a movie shot eons ago, with a dash of adventure and appropriately depicted the relationship between the Snr Jones and the younger Indiana Jones.  Having a boy is going to change the way I manage the family and of course him. Well I guess that is part of the challenge for me in 2008.

Anyway, both boy and mum are fine after the operation and Varick ( Veric or Verrick, we havent really made up our mind which variant to use) was born at 1056 am and I was busy smsing everyone I know to spread the good news.  I thank all the avalanche of good news from all my good friends, ex colleagues, family members and colleagues. 

Anyway enough of all the blogging.  I think the most important thing is to show all how the little guy look like...As a result of me been more awake than I was when Vernice was born, I was able to take a video of him and of course do some dummy-proof editing on my macbook,  Thus decided to "show-off" my skills and do a edited video of him been born at the operating table.  Not for the faint-hearted. Without further ado, I introduce to all of you - Varick Ng

For those who have given the video a skip, I have included pictures of my baby boy.  See if the little fellow looks like papa or mama :P

This is Vernice, the jie jie holding to Varick

The cute baby.. see the curly hair
Pix was taken before the cleaning, wondering why he is frothing in his mouth
Mummy and Varick
Daddy with Varick

Enjoy! will post more when i have the time

The One with the O Level Results

Yeah I have tons to things to blog... and i can finally find the opportunity to do so... I am in an unusually bubbly mood since the start of the year. and that had been my new year resolution- to be optimissitic... daunting task but I believe in my usual optimisstic tone it should be doable.

The O levels results was released on Thursday and I was surprised that I had a sleepless night the night before. Actually for those who know me, it is really an overstatement, I had a fitful sleep and woke up looking like the "thing" will smith kill during "I am legend". Well behind the shagged look and the bloodshot eyes, I was worried for my sec 5 class, worried if they will be able to clear the hurdle and move to the next lap of their tertiary education. My sentiments were shared by my co form teacher a young malay teacher who is taking a graduating class for the first time. As a Kp I got to know about the result as early as 8 am. Counting the L1B4 and glancing through the summary report, the management heaved a sign of relief as we managed to do just as well as we did last year sans a couple of drop in percentage passes and distinctions. My Sec 5 survived except 1, all except 1 made it to poly, and about 8 managed to get a grade good enough to go to a JC. I was happy for them except for the poor student who had wasted his year in Sec 5. ITE is now his only choice for an education. I remember the teachers and even the Prinicpal tried so hard to get him to focus and study for exams. His ability was not there and yet his attitude was lacking until it was a case of too late. But like him, the school and I we had to move on to focus on the issue at hand, the next batch of sec 4 taking the exams at the end of the year.

I was pleasantly surprised with our humanities results. The results was an improvement from last year whether it is distinctions or percentage passes. It also showed to me that I had a great department to work in. The history unit had also done well and our MSG was actually better than the georgaphy unit for the combined humanities... it also proved to me that I have improved in my management of the department. In my days in IJ my best results for hist humanities had been a impressive 47% distinction and 100% passes with my 15 girls form IK 2005 batch. There an then I thought my best results had passed me. I never expected that in YTSS I was able to help the top band class achieve a 57% distinctions and 100% passes. And what had made this even more impressive was the fact that this was a full class of 33 students as compared to the 15 i had in 2005. I was shocked and pleased... I guess it also tell me, that where I go, I can do it. :)

Let see what 2008 had to offer...

:)

The One about the New Year

in 2 hours time, we ill say goodbye to 2007 and say hello to 2008! How time flies... this is also the time that all students and teachers alike dread, the morning rush, the last minute rushing of the holiday homework which was supposedly to be done like a month plus ago. In fact I am surprised that I am not really suffering from the "back-to-school" syndrome... maybe it is just because I was not really on a break this 2 months. While my colleagues who came back from holidays struggle to get back the momentum of work.. I am but preparing for my first day of school.. sadistically excited about going through another year again.



A colleague in school decided to say good bye to the teaching profession today. I dont blame her for the short notice... Things had in fact not been going well for her. She was perceived by the management of not performing up to expectations and the management felt the need to help her. But of course through the process of constant and vigilant monitoring, more and more inadeuacies were "discovered" and bigger and bigger issues were magnified. In fact when one come under the microscope of the management, it is almost impossible that any speck of error can be swept literally under the carpet. I agreed wholly that there is a need for teachers to be almost saintly and error-free but there is always a point of time that we err as we are but children of god. But as it always say, "with greta pay come great responsibilities". While the government tried to increase pay to commensurate the amount of work that we are doing ( which i think is more for the keeping of talented teachers who were disillusioned with the profession.. seriously what make them think that by increasing our pay will help... we are already doing far beyond what we are paid to do... I believe more teachers would prefer to have either 1) lesser work to justify the present salaries we are getting... or 2) higher salaries to commemnsurate the work that we are doing now) but sad to say , with more pay, they expected all of us to do more work... and with more work that is when we all get

As I sit down in front of my laptop, I decided that it would be a good time to pen down my thoughts for 2007 before the year come to a close. Let's hope the new year will be a good one...

My new (erm old) hobby

Since Vernice came on board and literally became the third party in our family and bed, the bed had been pretty much a place to sleep ( wink wink... it must be the late night and the excess caffeine)

Since my little princess came to our family, mrs ng had been trying very hard to be a good mother, to the extent that she forgot her other duties like careerwoman, daughter, daughter in law and of course a wife.  But forgive my chauvinistic comments and let me get to the crux of today topic.

I have always been a music fanatic, and although i am not musically inclined, I am proud to say that i have always pride myself with my taste for music and of course my constant exposure to different genre of music - classical, opera, techno, acid jazz, pop, rock etc.  And as i started to explore more music stuff, i see the need to have a proper system to play my music that i like. and behold.... i invested on a new sound system, and put it in my spare room as my little sanctuary.  It is a place where I spend my relaxation time away from the stress of work and nothing beat playing a cd and hear sheer musical poetry coming from the speakers.  It is a divine feeling and i have never regretted this path of no return.  Although i must say that it has been an expensive hobby which I never thought I would put in so much time, money and effort in it.  But then again, the satisfaction of seeing all the musical components, from the cd player/ turntable, to the pre amplifier, to the power amplifier and finally to the speakers, connected by the choice of speakers cables, interconnects and of course the power cables and hearing the music is a great feeling.  I have only been fiddling with hifi for about a year and it has been a great learning curve for me.  And i agree that this had given me new zest ( sadly not in my work).

Enough said... a tour of my humble system :)

I managed to convert the small unused room to accommodate my system.  Luckily for me, mrs ng had been supportive.  She rather have me in the room than gallivanting outside :P

This is a super audio cd player which weight almost 12 kg!  It is a japanese made marantz player and i really got this for a bargain from a fellow hifi enthusiast who wanted to upgrade to a better system.

This turntable is a vintage one and i had a hard time looking for it.  This is almost 20 years old but it still spin like a brand new one.  Like old records, vintage turntables and music are still the older the better.

The equipment above are ( from top left, clockwise) the pre amplifier, the phono amplifier and the power amplifier.  For the uninitiated, the phono amplifier is the one that convert the signals from the turntable, the pre amplifier is the one to convert the signal from the cd player which is transmitted to the power amplifier and then to the speakers.  That how the sound is produced.

With the maid coming into the picture, I had to give up my room for her quarters.  Better enjoy the room while it last.

The One about another new "addition to the family"

For the next few days, my wife and myself will be embarking on a search journey- to find a FDW for the family.

For the uninitiated the FDW stands for Foreign Domestic Worker or commonly known as the maid. I am afraid that with my number 2 coming into the picture, both of us, with our hectic lifestyles and working schedule can no longer just depend on my mum to look after Vernice, "Varick"* ( yah, I know this is just at the moment thingy) and of course our very own Trafford.

However this search, initially on the internet, had exposed us to much horror stories of 1) horrible maids, 2) horrible employers, and 3 ) horrible maid agencies. It had instead brought out more stressed in a less stressful holiday period, the exact opposite that the FDW should be doing. Staring through the computer screen, as i was sieving through the tons of information, accolades, abuses and the biodata of the maids and the agencies, i was overwhelmed by the stacks and stacks of details which required me to sit back and reevealuate the whole entire situation. There are the procedures (official and unofficial) of what to look out for in a maid agency, there ar the things to do, the criteria to look out for, things to ask etc etc.The list is really long and exhasting (not exhaustive)

I do understand that relationship between people are fated in some ways or another, and thus it all depended on how it work out when we meet, but these stuff had undoubtably make me do a second take on the maid issue. Well as the famus saying goes, come what may... hopefully I have not done too much bad things to suffer from bad maid karma. :P

School and Crazy Telemarketers

i got my macbook back today :)  It felt so handicapped without the flexibility of online world.

i went back to school today for my CCA - basketball.  I must say that I am slowly getting closer to my girls.  Maybe it is because for the past few sessions, they have been seeing me :P  I guess it gave a whole new meaning to "frequency breeds familiarity".  Spend the whole morning tidying my already very tidy table.  I just hope I have the perseverance to keep it up when the mad rush starts in a few weeks time.

anyway with the festive season coming and the fattening of the pockets with the end of the year bonus, it is no wonder the telemarketers are working overtime with the well rehearsed sales speeches to get one to subscribe to a new credit card and/or credit line.  For the past 3 weeks or so, I have received like a zillion calls from people who had this great promotion of a new card, which is like the 2345,3748 th card that I got from that particular bank.  If it is not irritaing enough, apparently they do not keep track of the people they had called and kenna scolded and in a few weeks time, they are again back in their ever chirpy tone asking you to subscribe to a new card which you had said no to a few week ago.  As part of the retribution of rejecting one bank, the other banks "conspired" to call you one after another. And I had to waste valuable time just saying "no" to them.

If not for the telemarketer, it would be this stupid chinese woman scam who tell you that you have won 1st/2nd/3rd (delete whichever not applicable) prize and you are to collect it.  I had some fun of my own a couple of days back when i was getting some books from kinokuniya when this particular chinese lady called.  Seeing an "unknown number" on my hp, i pick it up.  Below is an extract of the conversation. (For the anglophiles, I have translated the whole conversation into english)

Me:  Harlow ( in my most bored tone)

Lady: (in a chipmunky excited voice) hello, is that mr ng wei kwang?

Me:  Yes speaking

Lady:  Mr Ng, I am calling regarding the survey you did the last time.

Me: Huh?

Lady:  Mr Ng, you have won 3rd prize! they are calling out your number here at the genting convention centre.  Where are you?

Me: I am here! I am here!  I am walking to the podium now.

Lady : (silence)

Me: Yes Yes YEs I have won!  I am walking over now, did you see me, I am waving to you, yes, me in the blue polo shirt I am coming over now, wait wait wait

Dead tone on the other side.

Anyway after that silly bout of fun, I found out that there were other mean ways to deal with them.  Actually i was inspired by this youtube video.  It is really great.. Enjoy it!

 

Randoms thoughts

3 months plus is a long time for not blogging...
well just to add an entry before this blog really goes into cyber obscurity...

This had been a very quiet and uneventful holiday for me. While all of my colleagues are overseas to recharge their batteries to prepare for the next year of mad rush, I am stuck in Singapore preparing for my long overdue dissertation. Not that i anm really in the mood to do so... but I got to start sometime if I dont want my masters to expire...
:P

Anyway just some random updates

1) the arrival of a new born babe
My no. 2 will be coming soon.. sooner than I thought. 28 February 2008, mark that on the calendar as I anticipate his arrival. Anirresponsible parent I am, and of course showing favouritism, I have not thought of the name for him. Actually I had a girl name for my number 2, but I was half expecting a boy. Wanted to have a sister for vernice and called her veralyn and guess I got to keep that name in hiatus. To continue with the V tradition, I am thinking of calling him "Varick" not that there are any good boy names that's start with V - Vernon being out for peculiar morbid singaporeanish reasons. I initiatlly wanted to call him "Eljiah" but received some not very favourable feedback from the non-catholic friends who claimed that it sound a bit "indianised". Guess "voldermort" would also not go well with the harry potter fans. Well back to the drawing board and wait for a bright idea to strike..

2) the move to the light side
as part of my self imposed detention in singapore during this holiday, i decided to spend the money supposedly to go overseas to get a new gadget for myself - toys if you need to know. I was contemplating on 1) x box 360, PS 3 or even a wii but i guess getting all these stuff who really make it even more difficult for me to settle down to do my research. Tempted by Steve Job ingenious convert ads, I got myself a macbook. Yes I am a converted apple junkie. the mac os is so intuitive and easy to use, at least i am not confronted with the bloody blue screen every now and then. Paid 2 grand for this sleek white baby and immediately plonked in another half a grand on accesories to make it look even cooler. Well so far for 3 week plus, it had been great until last night when the stupid keyboard goes bonkers and i had to end it for repair. guess machines are just as unpredictable after all, whether they are white or black...

3) My outlook to life
with my baby, spending more time with tem had become a bigger priority, in fact since the no.2 came about, i have been seriously evaluating my priorities on my career. I know people wanted opportunities to move up the ladder of success, but my priorities seesm to have shifted. Maybe I have gotten sick of all those politicking, bitchslapping stuff and wanted to have more time for myself and my family. Recently I have witnessed the change of people when power started to "corrupt" them. It is sad to see that young people who got overwhelmed by power and the way they behaved as a result of the power they think they possess. i remember when I left IJ, a colleague gave me a advice that never to let power corrupt me and up till now, I still hold this mantra close to my heart. Maybe seeing it from a third person view allowed me to have a better perspective of things.

I will try to blog more often now hopefully before the avalanche of work come piling in again.

The One about the students nowadays

Overheard a conversation between 2 very senior teachers in the school regarding students' sense of gratitude. As you already know in a couple of day time, the students will be showing their appreciation to the teachers in a one day one off event known as teachers' day. In the spirit of the school, where they focussed so much on helping the students and teaching the students the right values ( read right values in the eyes of the managment) it was no surprise that the conversation came about.
Apparently every year around this time, all the students will be given a piece of paper for them to write down their vote for the most caring teacher. they are to write down why that particular teacher deserved the award, by stating specifically what the teacher have done. For example,hypothetically, Student A feel that Teacher X is a good teacher, A must write down why he/she feel this way such X is a very caring teacher, on 27 July, he consoled me when I did badly for my test and encourage me to work harder. For this I am eternally grateful. Interestingly for all the things and effort that the teachers had done tohelp the sec 4s and 5s, there had been a shortage of entries from the sec 4 and 5 cohort. This apparently upset the people on the top who described this as act of "lacking in gratitude" and in fact the students will be given a speaking to the next morning.
What is so interesting about this episode. in my view, there are a couple of interesting facts that surface:
1) What we have done for the students had not really impacted/impressed them. All the teachers in the school work very hard for the students, this I can testify, which is interesting. is it because their perception of what is good for them is different from what we feel that is good for them?

2) Are our students ingrates? just because they didnt take this special day to thank the teachers, jsut because they did not write any good things about the teachers, just because of the whole multitude of issues in place? I find it interesting. i do admit that teachers do like the bit of acknowledgement that we have done something to a student's life and outlook, but seriously this whole paper chase thingy can be quite ridiculous at times. Are we doing it for the sake of doing it? Why cant we let the students do what they want to do. Why do we need to interfere in their free expressions of showing thanks to a teacher? All of us in the teaching profession know that teaching is like putting money in a unit trust - in the short space of time, we will not be able to see the rewards. infact it is more important to see the reward in the long term that we have actually put in the effort for.

I know what I am saying may ruffle a few feathers, and I know people will be talking about my cynical approach but then, we are dealing with a new generation of students who ahve different approaches and view towards life. Is it relevant to place the 1980s way of running and teaching values to the new millenium. I think that is a food for thought.

I saw this article which i believe was placed by a teacher in the class notice board, and i found it really relevant.

BILL GATES' SPEECH TO MT. WHITNEY HIGH SCHOOL in Visalia, California.
Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this!

To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice. Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair -- get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping -- they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

After googling this on the web, i found out that The text itself a pared-down version of an op-ed op-ed piece that appeared in the San Diego Union-Tribune on September 19, 1996. It was written by Charles J. Sykes, best known as the author of "Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good about Themselves, but Can’t Read, Write, or Add." D

The One about Ado about nothing

The boy from my class who got into trouble last week was given a reprieve and send back to class this morning. As the form teacher, i was given the special duty to escort him back to to class. The DM clarified that the issue had been resolved and he will be given his punishment in public in due course.
As i walked him up to his classroom, the boy apologised profusely for being rude to me during that day of the incident. I wondered whether it was a sign of resignation on my part, or that i have really forgiven him, i nodded silently and mumbled some words of encouragement and assurance about the class attitude and perception of him. As he rejoined the class, there were a couple of odd stares from my class which I was quick to dismiss. Seeing him settled and accounted for, I walked back to the staffroom, in deep thoughts.
I have no high hopes that the boy will be able to mend his relationship with the rest fo the class, and I am not sure if the class is willing to take in this loner who had so far rejected all their advances of a closer friendship. But it is just another 2 months more, another 60 days, another 1440 hrs and all of them will be in the midst of their exams, in a couldnt care less about other people attitude.
When will that day of reckoning come?

The One about one disappointment after another

Up to my eyeballs with things happening this week, it is hardly surprising that I am finding no time to blog.

this week had been an eventful week for me, especially with regards to my sec 5n form class. The O levels are just 3 months away, the prelims are just about less than 1 month away and this should be the period of time where generally every going-to-graduate student were to stay out of trouble and focused on the most important thing in their lives- the o levels. However apparently they felt that their form teacher, yours truly, apparently need some spices in his life, and there I was, trying to diffuse a fighting case that happened just outside the school. Swear to confidentiality, i should not reveal too much of what exactly happen, but the kid was suspended from school for 2 days, and his future hang on a threat with the crime of rioting.

I cannot tell all of you how sick and tired I am as a result of all these nonsense that had happened in the school since I haved joined. Many blogger colleagues bitched about irresponsible, incompetent, showoff colleagues who did nothing to help their kids, but merely trying to impress the management about the wonderful things that they were doing amidst the "actual" taching stuff that they should be doing. At least they had kids who do sit in class and try in any semblance to pay attention. As for me, it felt really disappointing that for what I have done, things had not gone really smooth for me especially the very thing that I should be excited and enthusiastic about - my students.

With many of my kakis colleagues leaving, I am going to really a forlorn figure in the staffroom come 2008.

So i am not enjoying my stint in management, I am disappointed with my classes, I have lost passion in teaching and I am losing my social support among my colleagues. I think I badly need a break to reevaluate my priorities.

The One about making a mark

Several conversations with my coffee drinking kakis in school surfaced this question - what am I good at?
Of course I will refrain from that self condescending phrase that i am a good for nothing but I would rather look at the deeper meaning behind this.

What am I good at? In school this is always a perennial question that we ask of ourself and sometimes unfairly imposed on some people. When we had an issue/problem ( read S*** ) which we need a fast remedy, there will always be a person that will come to mind. when we need a snazzy powerpoint lesson, when we need someone to host a certain event, when we need someone who got plenty of resources for music/food, when we need someone to plan a major event, inevitably names do pop up. It is the stereotype, but it is also the reputation that one had gained; it is the thing that one is good at.

I was told in a very un-"subtle" way that I am a "good for nothing"- of course I dont mean an imbecile, but rather someone who have not really find a niche for myself. I have yet to make a "mark" on things that the upper management wanted me to, but I seems to be making "dents" everywhere. Light ones, things that obviously showed my work but yet not big enough to creat any obvious visual impact.

I may not be able to make a dent or mark so as to speak in the areas that I am supposed to. Maybe I am just a jack of all trade but master in none. I find it sad that for all the little dents, they were looking for marked improvement. The swashbuckling confidence had diminished and I realise I can never see myself as the person who came in this school as a leader. I have degenerated into a follower who have lost my direction. I can never put myself as the guru in my subject matter ( ironically) or even in National education a portfolio which I am given. The little dents made hardly create a ripple. And sometimes big marks will require not just perservance but also the preparedness of the tsunami that come along.

What am I really good at? Maybe you people would know. Maybe you people can tell me...

The One about being treated seriously

recently it has been very very difficult to get people to treat me seriously.

I am not sure if this comment is made in a good or bad sense. It is nice to know that I have this penchant to make people laugh by giving my 2 cents worth of comments in almost every thing that is happening in school. I am those people who people would refer to as "benjamin" in Animal farm - the cynical donkey, but with a dash of humour and sarcasm which never failed to crack people up.

But then again, I wondered if this is something that people failed to treat me seriously as a KP as it is very very important that I have the credibility (with the capital "C") so that people would take my comments seriously and act on it, and not think that I was merely joking. Sometimes been too affable and too funny make it even more difficult for me to carry out my "ruthless" implementation of policies as I am just sometimes, plainly speaking, too nice at times. As a leader it is important that i show that I am the boss and most importantly I mean what I say, and my crazy nature just failed to put this across at times.

MAybe I should just try to start anew in a new place where I can really be treated seriously. Seriously.

About Potatoes and Burdens

Listening to the broadcast on the school PA system, there was a story which caught my attention. It was about the story of a teacher, who asked his student to bring a sack of potatoes and a empty bag to school. He told the students to think of a person who they bear a grudge or had hurt them or someone they can't forgive and based on the amount the hatred and put a comparable size of a potato in the empty sack. After the students were given time to think and do the activity, many students had bags full of potatoes. The teacher asked the students tocarry the bag otatoes with them everywhere they go, even to the loo or the bathroom. It was a heavy burden, and most important it was hurting and tirign to carry it around, not the say the embarassment of carrying it around even on the bus or to class. At the end of it, as the days goes by, the bag started to smell as the potatoes turn soddy and smelly. The students were in fact glad that at the end of the week. This story had a direct relation to what we are and how we behave. Many a time, we are unable to let go and allowed our hatred to be a burden to us, which we carried from place to place. We thought that forgiveness was something good for the other parties, however, this example show that forgiveness is actually for one.

I felt so strongly about the story because recently I was consumed by anger and my words were peppered with sarcasm. My inapporpriate comments and jokes became my defence mechanism to re-direct any negativity aimed at me. I felt that someone up there ( and that I dont mean the upper management) intended me to hear this story and let me let go of that hatred that is affecting and consuming me. I am glad that it happened today but then again the incident that happens to me let me reevaluate my priorities and my future direction. At least I know what I would be doing in the short term.

Treat each difficulty like a tennis ball coming to your side of the court, just keep hitting them back. :)

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I am leaving to Yunnan in about 26 hours time. Rest assured it is not migration.
It is the obligatory fieldtrip that I have to do as a middle management. This year i was throw the mantle of being the overall in charge of the fieldtrip to Lijiang china, taking care of almost 37 students and also 4 of my colleagues who have so courageously joined me either out of duty, or pity.

Months of hard work, ding-dong over the choice of teacher chaperones and almost many changes to the teachers going, I am finally embarking on my trip, rest assured that my teachers are all ready to go. I remember 2 years back I was supposed to go on a fieldtrip to Yunnan with the Ij girls but had to pull out the last minute as I was really sick then. It seems like it had gone 1 round backa nd 2 years back I am going back to China again, albeit in another school, with a new set of colleagues and a new group of student from a new school.

I realised I was really getting nostaglic as I typed the post, but do rest assured I am happily settled in my new school. I have found new friends and confidantes in my new colleagues who do shared the same passion as I. It is so weird that after gripeing about it for almost a year ago, I am now really to just move on and continue to do my best for the school and for the students.

I have a different set of students as my form class, the 5N which is the flagship for our results in the O level. management do really have a lot of confidence in me, and I must say that it was a really eye opener to try to motivate and work with students which is in my opinion, trying in ability and attitude. These few days I was in and out of the P office as my perennial underachievers were given the mandatory meet the principal session with their parents. Tears shed, angry words exchange and the unfolding of family melodrama within the small cubicle of the Principal office. It was emotionally draining sessions one after another as my co form and I stepped in and out of the P office again. deep down we hope the scolding would turn them around.

Tomorrow is my 5 year wedding anniversary, and it is hurting to leave my wifey and baby. But responsibility is responsibility. As I dust off my luggage and backpack, and started the process of packing, i prayed that the next 7 days would be smooth sailing...

Mid Term Blues

It is the time of the year again, when the frantic search for materials and sources to set the mid year examination papers. After the school long and stressful EV ( external Validation), teachers are going back to the huff and puff of setting paper, screaming at students and losing their voices.

In our school, the teachers are governed by a set of basics which is pretty much like the corporate values of companies. In my department because of the vigour of the setting and papers ( excellence being our pursuit), we always end up setting a very difficult paper. In fact we actually punned the basics for teachers (Leave no child behind) to change it to fit the Humanities Department (leave no child alive) Yes and that tell you how difficult the paper is.

Anyway for the teachers happy setting, and for the students, happy mugging...