Mid Term Blues
It is the time of the year again, when the frantic search for materials and sources to set the mid year examination papers. After the school long and stressful EV ( external Validation), teachers are going back to the huff and puff of setting paper, screaming at students and losing their voices.
In our school, the teachers are governed by a set of basics which is pretty much like the corporate values of companies. In my department because of the vigour of the setting and papers ( excellence being our pursuit), we always end up setting a very difficult paper. In fact we actually punned the basics for teachers (Leave no child behind) to change it to fit the Humanities Department (leave no child alive) Yes and that tell you how difficult the paper is.
Anyway for the teachers happy setting, and for the students, happy mugging...
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
The One about the hiatus
I have not blogged for almost a month. I guess I am just caught up with my work and of course my family. Blogging had become secondary to what I am doing now. Hopefully now I will be able to find the renewed zest to blog again.
Even though I have not been blogging, I have been keeping myself updated with the blogs of my students and my fellow teacher comrade-in-arms. Just to put down some random thoughts for the past 1 month...
1) CNY
This year my preparation of almost 60 angpows came to a waste as there were less than 10 Ij ex-students who were able to visit me during that period. Blame it on the JC common test schedule which was right after the CNY. Guess I will be keeping all the angpows for next year.
2) My frustrations with work so far
Surprisingly the new term had actually started pretty well and I am having an "enjoyable" time with my new 5N form class. Perhaps it is the maturity of the kids ( yah it take them 5 years in a neighbourhood school to be considered mature) I didnt really enjoy my sec2 form class last year. found it extrememly difficult to communicate to them. But I am glad that this year had set out on the right footing. I have come to terms with the fact that i have a new reporting officr and so far our relationship have been amiable to say the least. I am looking at this collaboration as strictly professional and will be glad to see the end of it the sooner of next year.
I guess that all I have to update for now... Let hope the momentum will be sustained..
I have not blogged for almost a month. I guess I am just caught up with my work and of course my family. Blogging had become secondary to what I am doing now. Hopefully now I will be able to find the renewed zest to blog again.
Even though I have not been blogging, I have been keeping myself updated with the blogs of my students and my fellow teacher comrade-in-arms. Just to put down some random thoughts for the past 1 month...
1) CNY
This year my preparation of almost 60 angpows came to a waste as there were less than 10 Ij ex-students who were able to visit me during that period. Blame it on the JC common test schedule which was right after the CNY. Guess I will be keeping all the angpows for next year.
2) My frustrations with work so far
Surprisingly the new term had actually started pretty well and I am having an "enjoyable" time with my new 5N form class. Perhaps it is the maturity of the kids ( yah it take them 5 years in a neighbourhood school to be considered mature) I didnt really enjoy my sec2 form class last year. found it extrememly difficult to communicate to them. But I am glad that this year had set out on the right footing. I have come to terms with the fact that i have a new reporting officr and so far our relationship have been amiable to say the least. I am looking at this collaboration as strictly professional and will be glad to see the end of it the sooner of next year.
I guess that all I have to update for now... Let hope the momentum will be sustained..
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
The One with the Wake
This was the type of gathering with ex colleagues that I would never like to attend. An ex-colleague husband passed away in a freak sailing accident. Upon receiving the sms early yesterday morning, I was still in a state of disbelief, thinking if it might be an early april fool joke. My doubts were confirmed with an sms from another ex-colleagues who certified the piece of information.
The evening was spent at St Joseph Church, Many of my ex colleagues whom I have not seen for months were there. But the expressions were solemn. As I walked to the altar to pay my respect, there cut a forlorn figure. Her expressions were hollow and she looked extemely pale. We did not exchange any words, but rather I extended out my arms and hug her, telling her that everything will be fine. In that few seconds, I can only feel her hold tightening and i could sense the sadness she had.
It was sad to see her in that state, for she was always the bubbly, fun loving colleague who dont mind being poked fun at. I guess those who were there especially the throes of ex-students, friends would be saddened to see her in this state. It was nice to see her ex students of so many batches who made the effort to come to the wake at such short notice. I believed her late husband would be comforted by the fact that she will be cared by the many still around.
Maybe it was the general mood, maybe it was the venue, but most of us were seated silently. A flurry exchange of words, and of course questions on the cause of death. Many present were just as puzzled as me, and the conversations got more confusing and left many more questions. But then seriously what is the point of pursuing this since it is all over? The dead is gone, it is most important how the living continue to live. Knowing the school, they will give support to her to get her to tide over this. I know it is difficult and painful to lose a loved one, albeit in such a sudden way. All I pray is that she will be able to be strong for her 3 children, and be strong for those who have loved and comforted her.
(PS for those who would like to attend the wake, please do so before thursday)
This was the type of gathering with ex colleagues that I would never like to attend. An ex-colleague husband passed away in a freak sailing accident. Upon receiving the sms early yesterday morning, I was still in a state of disbelief, thinking if it might be an early april fool joke. My doubts were confirmed with an sms from another ex-colleagues who certified the piece of information.
The evening was spent at St Joseph Church, Many of my ex colleagues whom I have not seen for months were there. But the expressions were solemn. As I walked to the altar to pay my respect, there cut a forlorn figure. Her expressions were hollow and she looked extemely pale. We did not exchange any words, but rather I extended out my arms and hug her, telling her that everything will be fine. In that few seconds, I can only feel her hold tightening and i could sense the sadness she had.
It was sad to see her in that state, for she was always the bubbly, fun loving colleague who dont mind being poked fun at. I guess those who were there especially the throes of ex-students, friends would be saddened to see her in this state. It was nice to see her ex students of so many batches who made the effort to come to the wake at such short notice. I believed her late husband would be comforted by the fact that she will be cared by the many still around.
Maybe it was the general mood, maybe it was the venue, but most of us were seated silently. A flurry exchange of words, and of course questions on the cause of death. Many present were just as puzzled as me, and the conversations got more confusing and left many more questions. But then seriously what is the point of pursuing this since it is all over? The dead is gone, it is most important how the living continue to live. Knowing the school, they will give support to her to get her to tide over this. I know it is difficult and painful to lose a loved one, albeit in such a sudden way. All I pray is that she will be able to be strong for her 3 children, and be strong for those who have loved and comforted her.
(PS for those who would like to attend the wake, please do so before thursday)
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
The One with the SICK
I am down with flu, and a sexy voice. Topping that, I have this irritating itchy throat which make this annoying cough with saliva all over the classrooms that i visited today. As a result of my casual manner of leaving watery evidence all over place, I got a file of peons who are coughing all the way. Thus I decided to see the doctor in case I incapacitated the entire teaching communtiy in my school.
Many of the teachers in the school are also in a similar state as me. The absenteeism rate for the teachers had not reached a point for cause of concern. On an average , the gungho teachers in the school are really trying their best to come to school to deliver the lessons. Never mind the coughing, never mind the flu, the sniffing of the noses and the sneezing. Most important, the students have to be taught and lessons still goes on.
Serious there are times I wondered not at why the teachers are falling sick, but why the management dont realise that there are so many sick cases because of things in the school. I came back from my reservist and was immediately struck by the low morale and negativity in the school. Yes low morale do breed low immunity which lead to sickness and illness and of course lead to MC.
Colleagues are happy to see me, for I do try to see myself as someone to lighten the mood and lift the morale. I made nonsensical remarks, send words of encouragement and concern, and most importantly sharing a joke or two. I guess I am more of a people person and enjoy the fact that i can make a difference in a person life, even that of a stressed teacher. Management are too high up in their helicopter view, middle management are too caught up in the middle to please everyone. well someone have to do the work to lift the morale. If someone have to do it, why don't I be the one?
Wish me luck! (even though I may be giving the impression to many people that I have nothing better to do...)
I am down with flu, and a sexy voice. Topping that, I have this irritating itchy throat which make this annoying cough with saliva all over the classrooms that i visited today. As a result of my casual manner of leaving watery evidence all over place, I got a file of peons who are coughing all the way. Thus I decided to see the doctor in case I incapacitated the entire teaching communtiy in my school.
Many of the teachers in the school are also in a similar state as me. The absenteeism rate for the teachers had not reached a point for cause of concern. On an average , the gungho teachers in the school are really trying their best to come to school to deliver the lessons. Never mind the coughing, never mind the flu, the sniffing of the noses and the sneezing. Most important, the students have to be taught and lessons still goes on.
Serious there are times I wondered not at why the teachers are falling sick, but why the management dont realise that there are so many sick cases because of things in the school. I came back from my reservist and was immediately struck by the low morale and negativity in the school. Yes low morale do breed low immunity which lead to sickness and illness and of course lead to MC.
Colleagues are happy to see me, for I do try to see myself as someone to lighten the mood and lift the morale. I made nonsensical remarks, send words of encouragement and concern, and most importantly sharing a joke or two. I guess I am more of a people person and enjoy the fact that i can make a difference in a person life, even that of a stressed teacher. Management are too high up in their helicopter view, middle management are too caught up in the middle to please everyone. well someone have to do the work to lift the morale. If someone have to do it, why don't I be the one?
Wish me luck! (even though I may be giving the impression to many people that I have nothing better to do...)
Friday, January 26, 2007
The one about the end of a relationship
I have this weird sense of separation depression. but then again who doesn't ? you know when you feel unrationally upset when you are throwing away the stack of history notes from university, or when you have to discard the old t-shirt which you had worn or the old swatch watch which can no longer tell greenwich time. i guess i am what people call as the old school romantic, those who just have the needy sense of trying to hold on to the past so as to make sense in the future. As I said it was plainfully obvious (to others) that my feel is not going to be reciprocated.
As a loyal M1 customer, I had always stuck by them since they started business in singapore. Being one of the first few to hop onto the already defunct CDMA network and carrying the obiang sony cdma phone, I have been a loyal customer who bunked at the idea of total corporate bigots and of course a cool supporter of the "david vs the goliath" thingy.
Recently I was tempted by the new MIO plan that was offered by Singtel. After watching the news, the various advertisements on tv and papers and much intense research on the net and numerous phonecall to friends, supporters and detractors alike. I was half tempted to "jump ship" to take up a singtel line since I am already a singnet user and I do have a residental line at home. However there was this sentimental part of me to end this relationship. I was hoping to get the telco to make an attempt to at least try to keep me by enticing me with offers such as hp upgrades etc. ( it works for the credit card annual fees) Thus in a last bid to save the relationship, I gave a phone call to M1 customer service.
M1: Hi this is XXX, welcome to M1, how may i assist you?
Me: Hi, I was wondering if I were to switch to singtel what is the procedure?
( seconds of anticipation..... the desperate need to be hold back...)
M1: oh it is actually quite simple sir, may i know if you have any contract left with M1?
Me: No actually, I was actually in two minds whether to continue with a new M1 contract or to move to a new service provider
M1: oh i see, to move to singtel is actually quite simple, all you have to do is to terminate the line with m1 and sign up with singtewl.
Me: But i am unwilling to give up my present number, can i keep this number?
M1: yes you can , there is this number port system which will trransfer all the call to your new number, it is quite hassle free. sir would you like me to terminate this line for you?
Me: let me think about it thanks
M1: Thanks for calling M1. Have a nice day..
I ended the phone call, "heartbroken" especially hearing those such "callous" remarks, such heartlessness. Aall my loyalty and my devotion all gone to waste. I have to say I am "hurt" by the comments, how superficial this relationship is..... especially after standing by them for the past 6 years or so...
Anyway I am now sporting a new K800i phone, you can still reach me on my M1 number, but you will receive a sms or call from me in another weird number, yah that is my new singtel line.
I have this weird sense of separation depression. but then again who doesn't ? you know when you feel unrationally upset when you are throwing away the stack of history notes from university, or when you have to discard the old t-shirt which you had worn or the old swatch watch which can no longer tell greenwich time. i guess i am what people call as the old school romantic, those who just have the needy sense of trying to hold on to the past so as to make sense in the future. As I said it was plainfully obvious (to others) that my feel is not going to be reciprocated.
As a loyal M1 customer, I had always stuck by them since they started business in singapore. Being one of the first few to hop onto the already defunct CDMA network and carrying the obiang sony cdma phone, I have been a loyal customer who bunked at the idea of total corporate bigots and of course a cool supporter of the "david vs the goliath" thingy.
Recently I was tempted by the new MIO plan that was offered by Singtel. After watching the news, the various advertisements on tv and papers and much intense research on the net and numerous phonecall to friends, supporters and detractors alike. I was half tempted to "jump ship" to take up a singtel line since I am already a singnet user and I do have a residental line at home. However there was this sentimental part of me to end this relationship. I was hoping to get the telco to make an attempt to at least try to keep me by enticing me with offers such as hp upgrades etc. ( it works for the credit card annual fees) Thus in a last bid to save the relationship, I gave a phone call to M1 customer service.
M1: Hi this is XXX, welcome to M1, how may i assist you?
Me: Hi, I was wondering if I were to switch to singtel what is the procedure?
( seconds of anticipation..... the desperate need to be hold back...)
M1: oh it is actually quite simple sir, may i know if you have any contract left with M1?
Me: No actually, I was actually in two minds whether to continue with a new M1 contract or to move to a new service provider
M1: oh i see, to move to singtel is actually quite simple, all you have to do is to terminate the line with m1 and sign up with singtewl.
Me: But i am unwilling to give up my present number, can i keep this number?
M1: yes you can , there is this number port system which will trransfer all the call to your new number, it is quite hassle free. sir would you like me to terminate this line for you?
Me: let me think about it thanks
M1: Thanks for calling M1. Have a nice day..
I ended the phone call, "heartbroken" especially hearing those such "callous" remarks, such heartlessness. Aall my loyalty and my devotion all gone to waste. I have to say I am "hurt" by the comments, how superficial this relationship is..... especially after standing by them for the past 6 years or so...
Anyway I am now sporting a new K800i phone, you can still reach me on my M1 number, but you will receive a sms or call from me in another weird number, yah that is my new singtel line.
Friday, January 12, 2007
The One with the Red Tape
As a head/middle management, what is most frustrating is that the seemingly helplessness that one encountered when implementing policies and programmes. Perhaps it is the general culture of the school but there was no delegation of power. Many a time, we are merely carrying out the wishes of the establishment to carry out certain ideas and plans, as mindless pawns to shout out command to our teachers. And the irritating thing is that we are perceived by the teachers as being indecisive when we do know what are the things to be done.
The frustrating thing about being a middlemanagement - you can't have a meeting with your members until you clear it with the upper management. How is that for red tape?
Sigh... things just can't be done when my hands are tied....
As a head/middle management, what is most frustrating is that the seemingly helplessness that one encountered when implementing policies and programmes. Perhaps it is the general culture of the school but there was no delegation of power. Many a time, we are merely carrying out the wishes of the establishment to carry out certain ideas and plans, as mindless pawns to shout out command to our teachers. And the irritating thing is that we are perceived by the teachers as being indecisive when we do know what are the things to be done.
The frustrating thing about being a middlemanagement - you can't have a meeting with your members until you clear it with the upper management. How is that for red tape?
Sigh... things just can't be done when my hands are tied....
Monday, January 08, 2007
The One with the overwhelming feeling
This is day 1 of week 2. And I already have this sinking feeling of this "pig"usting year. The term had started expectedly hectic and there were deadlines, workplan, action palns, schemes of work, schedules of implementation and of course te whole hurrah of meeting new students, setting the tone, setting the expectations, collecting of money, marking of attendance, collecting of holiday assignments, dealing with errant cases. I have already been leaving school at close to 7 pm. I guess more to come soon. And the list goes on and on...
After the -what-i-thought-was-a-damn-hectic-year honeymoonly first year in school, I was mildly shocked to see myself with a bountiful of responsibilities and new appointment for the year 2007. Infact I felt like being hit by an avalanche of tasks which no doubts have given me something really no time to think about. Let me just spelt out my workload and responsibilties for the purpose of proper documentation for workreview in afew time. I am teaching 4 levels- sec 1 history, 3 ss/history, 4 ss/history and 5 ss/history. with sec 1 being something entirely new to me and sec 3 with a change of syllabus, i am actually doing 5 preparations and almost for only 1 class in each level. Given that sec 5 is our school flagship, i am entrusted with the holy responsibility of getting decent results for the combined humanities. As for the sec 4, they are the best for the subject combination, and thus I am expected to produce the distinctions. Phew!
to further nurture my skills as a form teacher, I am given a sec 5 class as my form class. And of course to make me more student oriented I am also thrusted into one of the more high profile ccas. To dvelop my people managment skills, I am given 8 committees, heading 2 of them.
I guess if i dont screw up and survive this year, I should eb able to get a pretty decent grade for my ranking and also a fat bonus next year..
If i survive...... :(
The Ergo One
This is day 1 of week 2. And I already have this sinking feeling of this "pig"usting year. The term had started expectedly hectic and there were deadlines, workplan, action palns, schemes of work, schedules of implementation and of course te whole hurrah of meeting new students, setting the tone, setting the expectations, collecting of money, marking of attendance, collecting of holiday assignments, dealing with errant cases. I have already been leaving school at close to 7 pm. I guess more to come soon. And the list goes on and on...
After the -what-i-thought-was-a-damn-hectic-year honeymoonly first year in school, I was mildly shocked to see myself with a bountiful of responsibilities and new appointment for the year 2007. Infact I felt like being hit by an avalanche of tasks which no doubts have given me something really no time to think about. Let me just spelt out my workload and responsibilties for the purpose of proper documentation for workreview in afew time. I am teaching 4 levels- sec 1 history, 3 ss/history, 4 ss/history and 5 ss/history. with sec 1 being something entirely new to me and sec 3 with a change of syllabus, i am actually doing 5 preparations and almost for only 1 class in each level. Given that sec 5 is our school flagship, i am entrusted with the holy responsibility of getting decent results for the combined humanities. As for the sec 4, they are the best for the subject combination, and thus I am expected to produce the distinctions. Phew!
to further nurture my skills as a form teacher, I am given a sec 5 class as my form class. And of course to make me more student oriented I am also thrusted into one of the more high profile ccas. To dvelop my people managment skills, I am given 8 committees, heading 2 of them.
I guess if i dont screw up and survive this year, I should eb able to get a pretty decent grade for my ranking and also a fat bonus next year..
If i survive...... :(
The Ergo One
Friday, December 22, 2006
The One about Korea
Since I am back I have been catching up with my emails, tiding up the pictures ( yeah I have plans to make a calendar with the shots) clearing laundry ( damn the wet weather) catching up on local and international news ( the newspapers in Korea are all in Korean and I am illiterate) and of course palying with my baby girl Vernice.
Anyway just a picture which I felt was nice.
Now I should go and watch my Korean drama and eat my kimchi
Cheers
The Ego One
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
The One with the random thoughts
it is 1am in the morning. on MSN with a couple of ex colleagues. Was actually planning to get them out for supper at 12 in the morning, but decided against it, as I was comfortably sitting in my newly created hifi room enjoying my sound system.
Going to leave for korea in about 20 hours time, and I find myself totally oblivious of what to expect when i reach there. This has to count as the least prepared trip that i have taken since BC ( before i embarked on my career) Anyway I badly need the break before going back to the grind in about 2 weeks time. Yes 2 weeks if you count the mandatory last week when we have to go back to school and prepare for all the jazz and stuff, well times really flies when you are idling. :P
Anyway I felt that i didnt waste this holiday. I had a much shorter holiday, started only on 28 november due to some national obligations, I managed to finish my first draft of the report which would determined whether we have to go through the whole interview and site visit process in 2007. But i guess deep inside I know that the school is not ready, and it woudl be a waste of manpower and effort. But what the boss want, you just do. Anyway isnt awards now a representation of the school worth - the more the merrier?
I think i should just enjoy my trip and worry about them when i come back...
it is 1am in the morning. on MSN with a couple of ex colleagues. Was actually planning to get them out for supper at 12 in the morning, but decided against it, as I was comfortably sitting in my newly created hifi room enjoying my sound system.
Going to leave for korea in about 20 hours time, and I find myself totally oblivious of what to expect when i reach there. This has to count as the least prepared trip that i have taken since BC ( before i embarked on my career) Anyway I badly need the break before going back to the grind in about 2 weeks time. Yes 2 weeks if you count the mandatory last week when we have to go back to school and prepare for all the jazz and stuff, well times really flies when you are idling. :P
Anyway I felt that i didnt waste this holiday. I had a much shorter holiday, started only on 28 november due to some national obligations, I managed to finish my first draft of the report which would determined whether we have to go through the whole interview and site visit process in 2007. But i guess deep inside I know that the school is not ready, and it woudl be a waste of manpower and effort. But what the boss want, you just do. Anyway isnt awards now a representation of the school worth - the more the merrier?
I think i should just enjoy my trip and worry about them when i come back...
Saturday, December 02, 2006
The One about when love first struck
I decided to spend some time with my wifey since I was making good progress with my master assignment. Knowing that there had been a change in operator at the heeren marche ( it was replaced by a new concept food centre known as the Village… YMCA…) So decided to go with my wifey for a relaxing dinner from the usual babysitting chores.
Having a dinner at 6 plus at Orchard road on a friday evening seem to be relative early as it was barely packed at the village. The admission was hassle free, no queue even at the pseudo looking Marche looking Village( they probably save up a lot on renovation… other than the signboard changes and the investment in the new uniform)
As I tucked in my delicious lamb stew, I happen to glance at a table about 6 meter away from the pizza counter. There seated a family, a boy of 2 years old and a little girl who look like barely a year old. Together with the maid, they were enjoying their dinner. But what caught my attention was the mother. She was dressed in a pair of dark red 3 quarter pants which was not at all flattering. In a worn out t-shirt and equally unflattering flip flops, she started to look at the items on the menu board on top of the pizza counter.
She looked a tab plump, flabby arms and posterior not withstanding but the features were unmistakeable. Her baby face look, her innocent look, the one that memerised me about 13 years ago. The one who was so close to me when I was in my JC. We would share a same walkman ( there was no mp3 player or ipod or even discman then) as we sang to the tune of Liang Weng Fu ( a Singaporean composer). She was my little baby sister who I always thought I will shield and protected. She was the first girl who I would take a bus to my junior college when she was studying for her promos exam and send her back to Clementi and take the long bus trip back to toa payoh. She was the one whom I waited for my visitation when I was in Nee Soon Camp for my Basic Military Training. She was the one who I asked to go to the BMT Post-out-Parade (POP) and the one whom I asked to be my girlfriend on a romantic cruise. She was the one whom my camp mates and my buddy said bring the sparkle in my eyes. She was the one who I sang Rick Price’s “Heaven Knows” when I am having my shower which of course made my army mates cringe.
My wife noticed that I was having that lost-in-space look and asked me if I am ok. I was deep in thoughts and started to share with her during dinner. I told her that she was the only case which I have absolute no idea why we broke up. It happened so sudden. She was having her A levels and told me that she would like to concentrate. I was told not to call her for 2 months which I did as a dutiful boyfriend. When I did call her 2 months later she was cold and our conversation become monosyllabic, to the extreme that there was awkward silence. I remember when we last meet before the breakup at kallang bahru,she returned everything to me and said goodbye. Even much persistent attempts to ask what went wrong, she left the KFC restaurant, the very one which we spend countless hours sharing our dreams together. To cap the lousy day, I was at Kallang watching the Musical “Cats” with an empty seat beside me. Till now the song “Memory” still reminds me of that.
Thinking back I havent seen her for almost 10 years. The last time I saw her was in my uni days. in fact it was quite an awkward experience. There I was, carrying my trusty haversack and she was at the canteen getting some food. She said hi in her usual megawatt smile and ask me how's things. without waiting for a reply, she walk past with a tray of food. And that was the last time I saw her.
My wife may have never heard me talk about this. Maybe it is just that unwritten rule not to talk about our exs. But I guess with Vernice into the family and after 4 years of marriage, both of us are comfortable to accept and hear about how our journey of love came to the point when we meet. Ever as curious, she took some glances and even went to the extreme of walking near her so as to have a look of this girl who stole her husband teenage heart then. In an egoistic and smirk look, she declared that she is better than her. She even asked me in a surprising generous portion of generosity to go over and say hi, and bringing her along like some trophy of victory :P
In fact I had to admit she look really different. Being a mother of 2 apparently took toll on her. In fact she look a little like the present day Chen Li Ping of then “Aiyoyo” fame. I resisted to say hi even after much urging and egging by my wife. I walked away, stealing glances at the picture of family bliss and contentment. In fact at this point of time, I was wondering whether I should have just go over and say hi graciously, shake hand with her husband and played with her little ones. Then I resisted this opportune moment. Maybe it will take me another 10 years to see her again. Maybe I will never know why we ended up breaking up. But I am glad she was part of my life at some point of time and I am glad for the life that I have now. Maybe it was just that we were all learning from each other to prepare ourselves for the persons that we are with now.
At this point, the only song I could think of was this:
我躲在车里
手握著香槟
想要给你
生日的惊喜
你越走越近
有两个声音
我措手不及
只得楞在那里
我应该在车底
不应该在车里
看到你们有多甜蜜
这样一来
我也比较容易死心
给我离开的勇气
他一定很爱你
也把我比下去
分手也只用了一分钟而已
他一定很爱你
比我会讨好你
不会像我这样孩子气
Maybe… Maybe…
P.S my wifey think that I am getting into bout of depression....
I decided to spend some time with my wifey since I was making good progress with my master assignment. Knowing that there had been a change in operator at the heeren marche ( it was replaced by a new concept food centre known as the Village… YMCA…) So decided to go with my wifey for a relaxing dinner from the usual babysitting chores.
Having a dinner at 6 plus at Orchard road on a friday evening seem to be relative early as it was barely packed at the village. The admission was hassle free, no queue even at the pseudo looking Marche looking Village( they probably save up a lot on renovation… other than the signboard changes and the investment in the new uniform)
As I tucked in my delicious lamb stew, I happen to glance at a table about 6 meter away from the pizza counter. There seated a family, a boy of 2 years old and a little girl who look like barely a year old. Together with the maid, they were enjoying their dinner. But what caught my attention was the mother. She was dressed in a pair of dark red 3 quarter pants which was not at all flattering. In a worn out t-shirt and equally unflattering flip flops, she started to look at the items on the menu board on top of the pizza counter.
She looked a tab plump, flabby arms and posterior not withstanding but the features were unmistakeable. Her baby face look, her innocent look, the one that memerised me about 13 years ago. The one who was so close to me when I was in my JC. We would share a same walkman ( there was no mp3 player or ipod or even discman then) as we sang to the tune of Liang Weng Fu ( a Singaporean composer). She was my little baby sister who I always thought I will shield and protected. She was the first girl who I would take a bus to my junior college when she was studying for her promos exam and send her back to Clementi and take the long bus trip back to toa payoh. She was the one whom I waited for my visitation when I was in Nee Soon Camp for my Basic Military Training. She was the one who I asked to go to the BMT Post-out-Parade (POP) and the one whom I asked to be my girlfriend on a romantic cruise. She was the one whom my camp mates and my buddy said bring the sparkle in my eyes. She was the one who I sang Rick Price’s “Heaven Knows” when I am having my shower which of course made my army mates cringe.
My wife noticed that I was having that lost-in-space look and asked me if I am ok. I was deep in thoughts and started to share with her during dinner. I told her that she was the only case which I have absolute no idea why we broke up. It happened so sudden. She was having her A levels and told me that she would like to concentrate. I was told not to call her for 2 months which I did as a dutiful boyfriend. When I did call her 2 months later she was cold and our conversation become monosyllabic, to the extreme that there was awkward silence. I remember when we last meet before the breakup at kallang bahru,she returned everything to me and said goodbye. Even much persistent attempts to ask what went wrong, she left the KFC restaurant, the very one which we spend countless hours sharing our dreams together. To cap the lousy day, I was at Kallang watching the Musical “Cats” with an empty seat beside me. Till now the song “Memory” still reminds me of that.
Thinking back I havent seen her for almost 10 years. The last time I saw her was in my uni days. in fact it was quite an awkward experience. There I was, carrying my trusty haversack and she was at the canteen getting some food. She said hi in her usual megawatt smile and ask me how's things. without waiting for a reply, she walk past with a tray of food. And that was the last time I saw her.
My wife may have never heard me talk about this. Maybe it is just that unwritten rule not to talk about our exs. But I guess with Vernice into the family and after 4 years of marriage, both of us are comfortable to accept and hear about how our journey of love came to the point when we meet. Ever as curious, she took some glances and even went to the extreme of walking near her so as to have a look of this girl who stole her husband teenage heart then. In an egoistic and smirk look, she declared that she is better than her. She even asked me in a surprising generous portion of generosity to go over and say hi, and bringing her along like some trophy of victory :P
In fact I had to admit she look really different. Being a mother of 2 apparently took toll on her. In fact she look a little like the present day Chen Li Ping of then “Aiyoyo” fame. I resisted to say hi even after much urging and egging by my wife. I walked away, stealing glances at the picture of family bliss and contentment. In fact at this point of time, I was wondering whether I should have just go over and say hi graciously, shake hand with her husband and played with her little ones. Then I resisted this opportune moment. Maybe it will take me another 10 years to see her again. Maybe I will never know why we ended up breaking up. But I am glad she was part of my life at some point of time and I am glad for the life that I have now. Maybe it was just that we were all learning from each other to prepare ourselves for the persons that we are with now.
At this point, the only song I could think of was this:
我躲在车里
手握著香槟
想要给你
生日的惊喜
你越走越近
有两个声音
我措手不及
只得楞在那里
我应该在车底
不应该在车里
看到你们有多甜蜜
这样一来
我也比较容易死心
给我离开的勇气
他一定很爱你
也把我比下去
分手也只用了一分钟而已
他一定很爱你
比我会讨好你
不会像我这样孩子气
Maybe… Maybe…
P.S my wifey think that I am getting into bout of depression....
Thursday, November 30, 2006
The One about the top things teachers wish they could tell their students but can't
Adapted from the talking cock
I found this really farni.. it is abit late though but I decided to add a little stuff of my own :)
1. Actually, you’ll never need to know most of what I’m asked to teach you.
2. I wish they didn’t make you come to school either.
3. Wait till you see what I’ve written about YOU on MY blog – www.siginnah.com
4. Don’t take this the wrong way, but where your father and mother brother and sister?
5. I really wish you were as smart as you think you are.
6. You know, it’s true. You really don’t have to go to study hard and go to university. I did, and look at the crappy job I got.
7. Please don’t breed. Please!
8. Jack Neo was wrong: you damn stupid (and you damn stupid too!)
My own additions:
9. Seriously you really think you are that good?
10. If you are going to do something stupid like breaking the law or school rules, just dont get caught.
11. You make my life miserable and I promise I would make yours too, 10 times more!
12. If you think that you are going to be like Sim Wong Hoo, you are so damn wrong.
13. You are not stupid just intellectually challenged
14. "Idiot" is too nice a word for you, and so is "monkey"
15. Seriously if you really feel that there is nothing to live for, go ahead and jump and commit suicide, I am not going to stop you.
anything else to add?
Adapted from the talking cock
I found this really farni.. it is abit late though but I decided to add a little stuff of my own :)
1. Actually, you’ll never need to know most of what I’m asked to teach you.
2. I wish they didn’t make you come to school either.
3. Wait till you see what I’ve written about YOU on MY blog – www.siginnah.com
4. Don’t take this the wrong way, but where your father and mother brother and sister?
5. I really wish you were as smart as you think you are.
6. You know, it’s true. You really don’t have to go to study hard and go to university. I did, and look at the crappy job I got.
7. Please don’t breed. Please!
8. Jack Neo was wrong: you damn stupid (and you damn stupid too!)
My own additions:
9. Seriously you really think you are that good?
10. If you are going to do something stupid like breaking the law or school rules, just dont get caught.
11. You make my life miserable and I promise I would make yours too, 10 times more!
12. If you think that you are going to be like Sim Wong Hoo, you are so damn wrong.
13. You are not stupid just intellectually challenged
14. "Idiot" is too nice a word for you, and so is "monkey"
15. Seriously if you really feel that there is nothing to live for, go ahead and jump and commit suicide, I am not going to stop you.
anything else to add?
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
The One with the Withdrawal Syndrome
Today I officially declared my holidays. After been involved in official duty which earn me quite a good amount of money for the past 2 weeks, I finally felt a sense of loss when the team of teachers said goodbye to each other yesterday.
"Take care, Wei Kwang", "See You next year!" It was interesting how all of us bonded in a space of 2 weeks cooped up in an airconditioned room for more than 8 hours daily, with of course a well deserved 1 hour lunch to Tiong Bahru Plaza ( SorryI have to put everything in codes as I was sworned to secrecy about my appointment... abit like 007)
I am glad that this 2 weeks had kept me out of school that I now dread and of course extremely pissed off. fFor 2007, I am going to just do my stuff, do my best and hope that I would not do career harakiri again with the next school I choose. It has been a largely unappreciated and unmotivating and unhappy year for me, and I am so glad to see the end of it.
Tomorrow I go back to school to do my CCA obligations. The next week the same until I leave for my Korea trip. My concerned friends asked me to enjoy myself in Korea and look forward for next year. Yes 2007 is something to look forward to. I hope.
Today I officially declared my holidays. After been involved in official duty which earn me quite a good amount of money for the past 2 weeks, I finally felt a sense of loss when the team of teachers said goodbye to each other yesterday.
"Take care, Wei Kwang", "See You next year!" It was interesting how all of us bonded in a space of 2 weeks cooped up in an airconditioned room for more than 8 hours daily, with of course a well deserved 1 hour lunch to Tiong Bahru Plaza ( SorryI have to put everything in codes as I was sworned to secrecy about my appointment... abit like 007)
I am glad that this 2 weeks had kept me out of school that I now dread and of course extremely pissed off. fFor 2007, I am going to just do my stuff, do my best and hope that I would not do career harakiri again with the next school I choose. It has been a largely unappreciated and unmotivating and unhappy year for me, and I am so glad to see the end of it.
Tomorrow I go back to school to do my CCA obligations. The next week the same until I leave for my Korea trip. My concerned friends asked me to enjoy myself in Korea and look forward for next year. Yes 2007 is something to look forward to. I hope.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
The One with the Thoughts on my head
I havent blogged for a few weeks. Needed some time to just clear my thoughts and vent my frustrations. In fact I am so tired of blogging that there havent been any interesting stuff that happen ( other than the shocker you-know-what) And currently I am in school just performing my obligatory CCA duty and later there will be a work review with my supervisee.
It is almost a month after the last day of school and yet there are so many things in schools that have to be done. Well things are never done and will never be done. For the minute one do the last hurrah of clearing the pile of stuff, another came crashing down.
I know I dont make much sense
I dont make much sense of what I know
Maybe it is the writer blogk again
I havent blogged for a few weeks. Needed some time to just clear my thoughts and vent my frustrations. In fact I am so tired of blogging that there havent been any interesting stuff that happen ( other than the shocker you-know-what) And currently I am in school just performing my obligatory CCA duty and later there will be a work review with my supervisee.
It is almost a month after the last day of school and yet there are so many things in schools that have to be done. Well things are never done and will never be done. For the minute one do the last hurrah of clearing the pile of stuff, another came crashing down.
I know I dont make much sense
I dont make much sense of what I know
Maybe it is the writer blogk again
Saturday, November 11, 2006
The One about writing something I may regret (2)
I need some advice on the previous blog entry. I cannot deny that i am upset about the things that is happening. After talking to the missus who was indignant with the way that I was treated, she gave me some advice. Now I have a couple of options and would really want to know what you would do if you were in my shoes
A) Should I just stay and try to work with my new "boss" for the next 2 years before contemplating leaving
B) should I look out for an open posting next year and just heck care and leave?
Thanks
I need some advice on the previous blog entry. I cannot deny that i am upset about the things that is happening. After talking to the missus who was indignant with the way that I was treated, she gave me some advice. Now I have a couple of options and would really want to know what you would do if you were in my shoes
A) Should I just stay and try to work with my new "boss" for the next 2 years before contemplating leaving
B) should I look out for an open posting next year and just heck care and leave?
Thanks
Thursday, November 09, 2006
The One about writing something that I might regret
The time is now 11.33 pm, and I have just come home from a heavy dinner with some ex-colleagues. As usual our conversation revolved around the grouses of the things that we faced. Generally the complaints will gravitate towards the people, the colleagues and of course the management that we work in. And of course it evolved slowly into a bitchfest and everybody get their two cents worth of the "if-i-am-the-MOE" thingy.
I have been in this present school for almost a year now. From the time I joined the school for the staff retreat, it has been an eventful year for me. My ex-colleagues asked whether I am settled in the school and my future plans. I had no qualms in telling them that I will leave when my 3 years obligation is up. Don't get me wrong, I am not a quitter, and I have never been known to quit but as I have subtly or not so subtly implied/insinuated, I am not really appreciated in the school. As a KP I found myself constantly slighted and overlooked, and I never feel that I was given a fair chance in proving myself. The unrealistic demands of "The KP must adjust faster than the teachers", "In this school, if the teachers run, the KP must fly" meant that I was never given an opportunity. Coupled with the fact I was brought in by the previous P seems to put this constant tag of the "renmant of the old dynasty" on me.
The school has brought in a new HOD, the status quo of 2 SHs looking after the department is over. My other SH colleague who was the georgaphy SH, had graciously stepped down for the new Geography HOD. I have to work under somebody new, under a new HOD, a position which I have to shamelessly say that i covert, a position that I applied for a year ago, a position which the former P feel that it would be bette for me to be an Sh to feel the ground and move up, a position now given to someone who entered the profession the same time as me, which the new P had felt that she is the right person for the job . I do sound bitter, and the fact of the matter is I am, I don't think it is fair but then again life is never fair :). The very fact that I only knew about it 2 mornings ago when the rest of the department had known about it (excluding the teachers) only served how perhaps ignorant or unimportant I am in the management.
in fact I should be thankful for this new person for it has given me a definite clear direction what i must and will do and that is to pack up in another 2 years time. For if I want to move up the leadership track, this is not the place for me. And I look forward to my new challenge in 2 year time.
It is sad that my inital optimism and hope was dashed in a year. yes two years is a long time, but i guess it would be easier now that I have set my deadline to leave.
The time is now 11.33 pm, and I have just come home from a heavy dinner with some ex-colleagues. As usual our conversation revolved around the grouses of the things that we faced. Generally the complaints will gravitate towards the people, the colleagues and of course the management that we work in. And of course it evolved slowly into a bitchfest and everybody get their two cents worth of the "if-i-am-the-MOE" thingy.
I have been in this present school for almost a year now. From the time I joined the school for the staff retreat, it has been an eventful year for me. My ex-colleagues asked whether I am settled in the school and my future plans. I had no qualms in telling them that I will leave when my 3 years obligation is up. Don't get me wrong, I am not a quitter, and I have never been known to quit but as I have subtly or not so subtly implied/insinuated, I am not really appreciated in the school. As a KP I found myself constantly slighted and overlooked, and I never feel that I was given a fair chance in proving myself. The unrealistic demands of "The KP must adjust faster than the teachers", "In this school, if the teachers run, the KP must fly" meant that I was never given an opportunity. Coupled with the fact I was brought in by the previous P seems to put this constant tag of the "renmant of the old dynasty" on me.
The school has brought in a new HOD, the status quo of 2 SHs looking after the department is over. My other SH colleague who was the georgaphy SH, had graciously stepped down for the new Geography HOD. I have to work under somebody new, under a new HOD, a position which I have to shamelessly say that i covert, a position that I applied for a year ago, a position which the former P feel that it would be bette for me to be an Sh to feel the ground and move up, a position now given to someone who entered the profession the same time as me, which the new P had felt that she is the right person for the job . I do sound bitter, and the fact of the matter is I am, I don't think it is fair but then again life is never fair :). The very fact that I only knew about it 2 mornings ago when the rest of the department had known about it (excluding the teachers) only served how perhaps ignorant or unimportant I am in the management.
in fact I should be thankful for this new person for it has given me a definite clear direction what i must and will do and that is to pack up in another 2 years time. For if I want to move up the leadership track, this is not the place for me. And I look forward to my new challenge in 2 year time.
It is sad that my inital optimism and hope was dashed in a year. yes two years is a long time, but i guess it would be easier now that I have set my deadline to leave.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
The One with the results
The mad rush this morning to clear the sec 1-3 results with the Principal before giving out the examination scripts to the kids. As usual the age old issue of "geography-results-better-than-history" and "what-are-we-going-to-motivate-the-students-to-do-better-in-history-so-that-they-will-choose-history" thingy surface..
As usual, I refrained from giving my two cents worth knowing that it is a perennial problem which I will not be able to resolve within my level. :P Sorry for the cynicism at play, but as usual I see this year results as an indication that we, the history teachers are closing the gap if not going on par with the geography results.
Then again the bottomline is still pragmatism - I have seen students who "inherit" the "disdain" of the History subject from their parents who were tortured mentally by some old history teacher fogeys who wear black long-sighted glasses which could magnify a fire from a bush of twigs. It was always "Geography-more-relevant-and-easier-to-score" and "history-is-all-about-the dead-people-and-dead-things" You see things in geography, you learn map-work which ensure that you dont get "lost" running away from your parents or the general orientation of Changi airport and Jurong Shipyard. You understand why people love to go the seaside in the night ( Not just for the privacy but also cooler there!), why the stupid haze is poisoning all of us in singapore and how our economy will be affected because of all these environmental conditions.
Sad to say the recent nuclear testing by North Korea and the 'hoo-haa' in terms of the UN sanctions and US and China and South Korea protests failed to ring a doorbell in the thick head of the kids who feel that this has nothing to do with me - haze -yes , North Korea - no. There is no need for them to learn about how this issue came about, how this was implicated by the past history of these countries. Sad to say Geography 1 History 0
Not that I have anything to complain about it, for there is always the school priorities to look out for. Call me insensitive or call me impassionate about my subject but I would always advocated kids to give up my subjects when push come to shove. Many teachers were aghasted by my lack of passion but I was really grappling with the kids' well being, results and finally school ranking to say the least. I always ask myself that if the kids cant even do well to get a basic advancement to the next level ( EMS to say the least), there is no use for them to appreicate the fine points of the humanities which I so strongly believe in. I told the sec 4 kids that they need to do well in their Maths and Science and most importantly EL so as to advance to the poly of their choice. Forget about the humanities as they would not need it in the poly (they dont even need to count it in their L1R4). So where do humanities stand? At the edge of the cliff I guess.
I know that I will ruffled some feathers, with my frank comments about the realities of the world. Don't get me wrong, it is not that I am not passionate about the subject, it is just that I am being pragmatic about...
Saying that, maybe I should have taken Geography instead :P
The mad rush this morning to clear the sec 1-3 results with the Principal before giving out the examination scripts to the kids. As usual the age old issue of "geography-results-better-than-history" and "what-are-we-going-to-motivate-the-students-to-do-better-in-history-so-that-they-will-choose-history" thingy surface..
As usual, I refrained from giving my two cents worth knowing that it is a perennial problem which I will not be able to resolve within my level. :P Sorry for the cynicism at play, but as usual I see this year results as an indication that we, the history teachers are closing the gap if not going on par with the geography results.
Then again the bottomline is still pragmatism - I have seen students who "inherit" the "disdain" of the History subject from their parents who were tortured mentally by some old history teacher fogeys who wear black long-sighted glasses which could magnify a fire from a bush of twigs. It was always "Geography-more-relevant-and-easier-to-score" and "history-is-all-about-the dead-people-and-dead-things" You see things in geography, you learn map-work which ensure that you dont get "lost" running away from your parents or the general orientation of Changi airport and Jurong Shipyard. You understand why people love to go the seaside in the night ( Not just for the privacy but also cooler there!), why the stupid haze is poisoning all of us in singapore and how our economy will be affected because of all these environmental conditions.
Sad to say the recent nuclear testing by North Korea and the 'hoo-haa' in terms of the UN sanctions and US and China and South Korea protests failed to ring a doorbell in the thick head of the kids who feel that this has nothing to do with me - haze -yes , North Korea - no. There is no need for them to learn about how this issue came about, how this was implicated by the past history of these countries. Sad to say Geography 1 History 0
Not that I have anything to complain about it, for there is always the school priorities to look out for. Call me insensitive or call me impassionate about my subject but I would always advocated kids to give up my subjects when push come to shove. Many teachers were aghasted by my lack of passion but I was really grappling with the kids' well being, results and finally school ranking to say the least. I always ask myself that if the kids cant even do well to get a basic advancement to the next level ( EMS to say the least), there is no use for them to appreicate the fine points of the humanities which I so strongly believe in. I told the sec 4 kids that they need to do well in their Maths and Science and most importantly EL so as to advance to the poly of their choice. Forget about the humanities as they would not need it in the poly (they dont even need to count it in their L1R4). So where do humanities stand? At the edge of the cliff I guess.
I know that I will ruffled some feathers, with my frank comments about the realities of the world. Don't get me wrong, it is not that I am not passionate about the subject, it is just that I am being pragmatic about...
Saying that, maybe I should have taken Geography instead :P
Monday, October 16, 2006
The One with the new changes
2 years, 1 blog design....
finally due for a change
then i realised... i can't let go of the old color scheme, the old thing...
That's me.... oversentimental, overly attached
That's me, the history freak... who ended up dwelling about the past
Well at least i got my tag board off... guess I wanted more comments instead...
2 years, 1 blog design....
finally due for a change
then i realised... i can't let go of the old color scheme, the old thing...
That's me.... oversentimental, overly attached
That's me, the history freak... who ended up dwelling about the past
Well at least i got my tag board off... guess I wanted more comments instead...
Friday, October 13, 2006
The One with the Post Exam Depression Syndrome
Engines warmed up, red pens aplenty, marking schemes carefully laid, displayed and highlighted for starking effect, comfortable seating positions, and endless cups of aromatic coffee, Yes it is the time of the year again.
It is marking time! The ritual before a break, the final lap...
Good Luck to the students... they will most probably need it.
Good Luck to me... I will almost definitely need that to clear the piles of A4 papers before deadline.
Engines warmed up, red pens aplenty, marking schemes carefully laid, displayed and highlighted for starking effect, comfortable seating positions, and endless cups of aromatic coffee, Yes it is the time of the year again.
It is marking time! The ritual before a break, the final lap...
Good Luck to the students... they will most probably need it.
Good Luck to me... I will almost definitely need that to clear the piles of A4 papers before deadline.
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