The One about Korea

Since I am back I have been catching up with my emails, tiding up the pictures ( yeah I have plans to make a calendar with the shots) clearing laundry ( damn the wet weather) catching up on local and international news ( the newspapers in Korea are all in Korean and I am illiterate) and of course palying with my baby girl Vernice.

Anyway just a picture which I felt was nice.

Now I should go and watch my Korean drama and eat my kimchi

Cheers

The Ego One

The One with the random thoughts

it is 1am in the morning. on MSN with a couple of ex colleagues. Was actually planning to get them out for supper at 12 in the morning, but decided against it, as I was comfortably sitting in my newly created hifi room enjoying my sound system.

Going to leave for korea in about 20 hours time, and I find myself totally oblivious of what to expect when i reach there. This has to count as the least prepared trip that i have taken since BC ( before i embarked on my career) Anyway I badly need the break before going back to the grind in about 2 weeks time. Yes 2 weeks if you count the mandatory last week when we have to go back to school and prepare for all the jazz and stuff, well times really flies when you are idling. :P

Anyway I felt that i didnt waste this holiday. I had a much shorter holiday, started only on 28 november due to some national obligations, I managed to finish my first draft of the report which would determined whether we have to go through the whole interview and site visit process in 2007. But i guess deep inside I know that the school is not ready, and it woudl be a waste of manpower and effort. But what the boss want, you just do. Anyway isnt awards now a representation of the school worth - the more the merrier?

I think i should just enjoy my trip and worry about them when i come back...

The One about when love first struck

I decided to spend some time with my wifey since I was making good progress with my master assignment. Knowing that there had been a change in operator at the heeren marche ( it was replaced by a new concept food centre known as the Village… YMCA…) So decided to go with my wifey for a relaxing dinner from the usual babysitting chores.

Having a dinner at 6 plus at Orchard road on a friday evening seem to be relative early as it was barely packed at the village. The admission was hassle free, no queue even at the pseudo looking Marche looking Village( they probably save up a lot on renovation… other than the signboard changes and the investment in the new uniform)

As I tucked in my delicious lamb stew, I happen to glance at a table about 6 meter away from the pizza counter. There seated a family, a boy of 2 years old and a little girl who look like barely a year old. Together with the maid, they were enjoying their dinner. But what caught my attention was the mother. She was dressed in a pair of dark red 3 quarter pants which was not at all flattering. In a worn out t-shirt and equally unflattering flip flops, she started to look at the items on the menu board on top of the pizza counter.

She looked a tab plump, flabby arms and posterior not withstanding but the features were unmistakeable. Her baby face look, her innocent look, the one that memerised me about 13 years ago. The one who was so close to me when I was in my JC. We would share a same walkman ( there was no mp3 player or ipod or even discman then) as we sang to the tune of Liang Weng Fu ( a Singaporean composer). She was my little baby sister who I always thought I will shield and protected. She was the first girl who I would take a bus to my junior college when she was studying for her promos exam and send her back to Clementi and take the long bus trip back to toa payoh. She was the one whom I waited for my visitation when I was in Nee Soon Camp for my Basic Military Training. She was the one who I asked to go to the BMT Post-out-Parade (POP) and the one whom I asked to be my girlfriend on a romantic cruise. She was the one whom my camp mates and my buddy said bring the sparkle in my eyes. She was the one who I sang Rick Price’s “Heaven Knows” when I am having my shower which of course made my army mates cringe.

My wife noticed that I was having that lost-in-space look and asked me if I am ok. I was deep in thoughts and started to share with her during dinner. I told her that she was the only case which I have absolute no idea why we broke up. It happened so sudden. She was having her A levels and told me that she would like to concentrate. I was told not to call her for 2 months which I did as a dutiful boyfriend. When I did call her 2 months later she was cold and our conversation become monosyllabic, to the extreme that there was awkward silence. I remember when we last meet before the breakup at kallang bahru,she returned everything to me and said goodbye. Even much persistent attempts to ask what went wrong, she left the KFC restaurant, the very one which we spend countless hours sharing our dreams together. To cap the lousy day, I was at Kallang watching the Musical “Cats” with an empty seat beside me. Till now the song “Memory” still reminds me of that.

Thinking back I havent seen her for almost 10 years. The last time I saw her was in my uni days. in fact it was quite an awkward experience. There I was, carrying my trusty haversack and she was at the canteen getting some food. She said hi in her usual megawatt smile and ask me how's things. without waiting for a reply, she walk past with a tray of food. And that was the last time I saw her.

My wife may have never heard me talk about this. Maybe it is just that unwritten rule not to talk about our exs. But I guess with Vernice into the family and after 4 years of marriage, both of us are comfortable to accept and hear about how our journey of love came to the point when we meet. Ever as curious, she took some glances and even went to the extreme of walking near her so as to have a look of this girl who stole her husband teenage heart then. In an egoistic and smirk look, she declared that she is better than her. She even asked me in a surprising generous portion of generosity to go over and say hi, and bringing her along like some trophy of victory :P

In fact I had to admit she look really different. Being a mother of 2 apparently took toll on her. In fact she look a little like the present day Chen Li Ping of then “Aiyoyo” fame. I resisted to say hi even after much urging and egging by my wife. I walked away, stealing glances at the picture of family bliss and contentment. In fact at this point of time, I was wondering whether I should have just go over and say hi graciously, shake hand with her husband and played with her little ones. Then I resisted this opportune moment. Maybe it will take me another 10 years to see her again. Maybe I will never know why we ended up breaking up. But I am glad she was part of my life at some point of time and I am glad for the life that I have now. Maybe it was just that we were all learning from each other to prepare ourselves for the persons that we are with now.

At this point, the only song I could think of was this:

我躲在车里
手握著香槟
想要给你
生日的惊喜
你越走越近
有两个声音
我措手不及
只得楞在那里
我应该在车底
不应该在车里
看到你们有多甜蜜
这样一来
我也比较容易死心
给我离开的勇气
他一定很爱你
也把我比下去
分手也只用了一分钟而已
他一定很爱你
比我会讨好你
不会像我这样孩子气


Maybe… Maybe…

P.S my wifey think that I am getting into bout of depression....

The One about the top things teachers wish they could tell their students but can't

Adapted from the talking cock

I found this really farni.. it is abit late though but I decided to add a little stuff of my own :)

1. Actually, you’ll never need to know most of what I’m asked to teach you.

2. I wish they didn’t make you come to school either.

3. Wait till you see what I’ve written about YOU on MY blog – www.siginnah.com

4. Don’t take this the wrong way, but where your father and mother brother and sister?

5. I really wish you were as smart as you think you are.

6. You know, it’s true. You really don’t have to go to study hard and go to university. I did, and look at the crappy job I got.

7. Please don’t breed. Please!

8. Jack Neo was wrong: you damn stupid (and you damn stupid too!)

My own additions:

9. Seriously you really think you are that good?

10. If you are going to do something stupid like breaking the law or school rules, just dont get caught.

11. You make my life miserable and I promise I would make yours too, 10 times more!

12. If you think that you are going to be like Sim Wong Hoo, you are so damn wrong.

13. You are not stupid just intellectually challenged

14. "Idiot" is too nice a word for you, and so is "monkey"

15. Seriously if you really feel that there is nothing to live for, go ahead and jump and commit suicide, I am not going to stop you.


anything else to add?

The One with the Withdrawal Syndrome

Today I officially declared my holidays. After been involved in official duty which earn me quite a good amount of money for the past 2 weeks, I finally felt a sense of loss when the team of teachers said goodbye to each other yesterday.

"Take care, Wei Kwang", "See You next year!" It was interesting how all of us bonded in a space of 2 weeks cooped up in an airconditioned room for more than 8 hours daily, with of course a well deserved 1 hour lunch to Tiong Bahru Plaza ( SorryI have to put everything in codes as I was sworned to secrecy about my appointment... abit like 007)

I am glad that this 2 weeks had kept me out of school that I now dread and of course extremely pissed off. fFor 2007, I am going to just do my stuff, do my best and hope that I would not do career harakiri again with the next school I choose. It has been a largely unappreciated and unmotivating and unhappy year for me, and I am so glad to see the end of it.

Tomorrow I go back to school to do my CCA obligations. The next week the same until I leave for my Korea trip. My concerned friends asked me to enjoy myself in Korea and look forward for next year. Yes 2007 is something to look forward to. I hope.

The Santa Claus

Baby Vernice blog invasion...

Daddy and Mummy brought me out on a rare friday night excursion to Bishan Juncion 8

And I was pretty intrigued by this fellow. In fact mummy was so amused that she decided to take a picture.

Who is he anyway? He badly needs a diet.

Baby Vernice

The One with the Thoughts on my head

I havent blogged for a few weeks. Needed some time to just clear my thoughts and vent my frustrations. In fact I am so tired of blogging that there havent been any interesting stuff that happen ( other than the shocker you-know-what) And currently I am in school just performing my obligatory CCA duty and later there will be a work review with my supervisee.

It is almost a month after the last day of school and yet there are so many things in schools that have to be done. Well things are never done and will never be done. For the minute one do the last hurrah of clearing the pile of stuff, another came crashing down.

I know I dont make much sense

I dont make much sense of what I know

Maybe it is the writer blogk again

The One about writing something I may regret (2)

I need some advice on the previous blog entry. I cannot deny that i am upset about the things that is happening. After talking to the missus who was indignant with the way that I was treated, she gave me some advice. Now I have a couple of options and would really want to know what you would do if you were in my shoes

A) Should I just stay and try to work with my new "boss" for the next 2 years before contemplating leaving
B) should I look out for an open posting next year and just heck care and leave?

Thanks

The One about writing something that I might regret

The time is now 11.33 pm, and I have just come home from a heavy dinner with some ex-colleagues. As usual our conversation revolved around the grouses of the things that we faced. Generally the complaints will gravitate towards the people, the colleagues and of course the management that we work in. And of course it evolved slowly into a bitchfest and everybody get their two cents worth of the "if-i-am-the-MOE" thingy.

I have been in this present school for almost a year now. From the time I joined the school for the staff retreat, it has been an eventful year for me. My ex-colleagues asked whether I am settled in the school and my future plans. I had no qualms in telling them that I will leave when my 3 years obligation is up. Don't get me wrong, I am not a quitter, and I have never been known to quit but as I have subtly or not so subtly implied/insinuated, I am not really appreciated in the school. As a KP I found myself constantly slighted and overlooked, and I never feel that I was given a fair chance in proving myself. The unrealistic demands of "The KP must adjust faster than the teachers", "In this school, if the teachers run, the KP must fly" meant that I was never given an opportunity. Coupled with the fact I was brought in by the previous P seems to put this constant tag of the "renmant of the old dynasty" on me.

The school has brought in a new HOD, the status quo of 2 SHs looking after the department is over. My other SH colleague who was the georgaphy SH, had graciously stepped down for the new Geography HOD. I have to work under somebody new, under a new HOD, a position which I have to shamelessly say that i covert, a position that I applied for a year ago, a position which the former P feel that it would be bette for me to be an Sh to feel the ground and move up, a position now given to someone who entered the profession the same time as me, which the new P had felt that she is the right person for the job . I do sound bitter, and the fact of the matter is I am, I don't think it is fair but then again life is never fair :). The very fact that I only knew about it 2 mornings ago when the rest of the department had known about it (excluding the teachers) only served how perhaps ignorant or unimportant I am in the management.

in fact I should be thankful for this new person for it has given me a definite clear direction what i must and will do and that is to pack up in another 2 years time. For if I want to move up the leadership track, this is not the place for me. And I look forward to my new challenge in 2 year time.

It is sad that my inital optimism and hope was dashed in a year. yes two years is a long time, but i guess it would be easier now that I have set my deadline to leave.

The One with the results

The mad rush this morning to clear the sec 1-3 results with the Principal before giving out the examination scripts to the kids. As usual the age old issue of "geography-results-better-than-history" and "what-are-we-going-to-motivate-the-students-to-do-better-in-history-so-that-they-will-choose-history" thingy surface..
As usual, I refrained from giving my two cents worth knowing that it is a perennial problem which I will not be able to resolve within my level. :P Sorry for the cynicism at play, but as usual I see this year results as an indication that we, the history teachers are closing the gap if not going on par with the geography results.

Then again the bottomline is still pragmatism - I have seen students who "inherit" the "disdain" of the History subject from their parents who were tortured mentally by some old history teacher fogeys who wear black long-sighted glasses which could magnify a fire from a bush of twigs. It was always "Geography-more-relevant-and-easier-to-score" and "history-is-all-about-the dead-people-and-dead-things" You see things in geography, you learn map-work which ensure that you dont get "lost" running away from your parents or the general orientation of Changi airport and Jurong Shipyard. You understand why people love to go the seaside in the night ( Not just for the privacy but also cooler there!), why the stupid haze is poisoning all of us in singapore and how our economy will be affected because of all these environmental conditions.

Sad to say the recent nuclear testing by North Korea and the 'hoo-haa' in terms of the UN sanctions and US and China and South Korea protests failed to ring a doorbell in the thick head of the kids who feel that this has nothing to do with me - haze -yes , North Korea - no. There is no need for them to learn about how this issue came about, how this was implicated by the past history of these countries. Sad to say Geography 1 History 0

Not that I have anything to complain about it, for there is always the school priorities to look out for. Call me insensitive or call me impassionate about my subject but I would always advocated kids to give up my subjects when push come to shove. Many teachers were aghasted by my lack of passion but I was really grappling with the kids' well being, results and finally school ranking to say the least. I always ask myself that if the kids cant even do well to get a basic advancement to the next level ( EMS to say the least), there is no use for them to appreicate the fine points of the humanities which I so strongly believe in. I told the sec 4 kids that they need to do well in their Maths and Science and most importantly EL so as to advance to the poly of their choice. Forget about the humanities as they would not need it in the poly (they dont even need to count it in their L1R4). So where do humanities stand? At the edge of the cliff I guess.

I know that I will ruffled some feathers, with my frank comments about the realities of the world. Don't get me wrong, it is not that I am not passionate about the subject, it is just that I am being pragmatic about...

Saying that, maybe I should have taken Geography instead :P

The One with the new changes

2 years, 1 blog design....

finally due for a change

then i realised... i can't let go of the old color scheme, the old thing...

That's me.... oversentimental, overly attached

That's me, the history freak... who ended up dwelling about the past

Well at least i got my tag board off... guess I wanted more comments instead...

The One with the Post Exam Depression Syndrome

Engines warmed up, red pens aplenty, marking schemes carefully laid, displayed and highlighted for starking effect, comfortable seating positions, and endless cups of aromatic coffee, Yes it is the time of the year again.

It is marking time! The ritual before a break, the final lap...

Good Luck to the students... they will most probably need it.

Good Luck to me... I will almost definitely need that to clear the piles of A4 papers before deadline.

The One with Contentment

I took you in,
And gave you my heart..
You said I was your only angel
In a place you call Hell..

I opened my arms..
I opened my wings..
I took you in,
And gave you my love..

I made you feel safe..
I made you feel loved..
I made you feel happy,
In a place where you can belong..

I embraced you with my heart..
With my wings and my arms..
For I am your angel..
In a place you call Hell..

The One with the A-B-C

It is such a brutal exercise, trying to pigeonhole the teachers in levels and then finally trying put a number beside their names and eventually a letter which will not just determine the fatness of their pockets come next year, but eventually how you are going to move on - to continue to excel, to try to excel or not to excel and wallop in self pity.

It is such an ironic thing, you hear about it, you read about it, but when you are actually doing it, the experience turn out to be so unnerving. Well at least for me... Point for Point, achievement for achievement, contribution vs contribution, impact vs impact; it is the issue of realism at play, it is reality at work, and it is real to the core.

I sat inside my cubicle, swore to secrecy the verdicts. I sat in isolation as I tried to clear my mind bout the things that happens in that snap 4 hour marathon meeting.

maybe it is just the virginal experience... maybe i will get used of it. Maybe I will just be as I say Always Bo Chup about it. But then I asked, can I really do that, when I have the career of a person in my hands.

The One with all the peace

Peace prevails.... Exams has started
Let me enjoy the peace and tranquility before the marking settle in...

Peace out

The One about the class gathering

My first upper secondary form class, the batch of graduating students still keeps in contact with me. The infrequent sms-es that never failed to warm the heart, the yearly CNY visits. And before I knew it, most of them are already starting their tertiary education.

We met up for brunch on Saturday ( actually it should be lunch since so many of them were late) to bid farewell to one of the girls who got a scholarship to study in the UK. Vanessa, had to, of all professions, choose to join the army and was offered a scholarship to study in York University. I haven't seen some of them for almost 2 years since they left IJ and thus I was kinda looking forward to see how they were getting on. Sad to say, many of them couldnt make it at such short notice and many had to leave for other appointments and we were left with only 5 - 6 of us at Marche. It was quite nice catching up with my ex students. Seeing them talking about their dreams and aspirations, boyfriends and stuff, I suddenly felt really old. There they were, a figment of my memory, sitting at the respective areas in the classroom. Vanessa was always the hyper-active and studious one. Her affectious laughter and her "omigosh" everytime when there is a difficult maths question. How times flies as right in front of me then was a mature lady embarking on her new phase of her life.

I am happy to see all of them happily moving on. But like all parents, there is always a part of me that hope that every single one will stay the same as they use to be. Maybe they still do, Maybe I still do.

To Vanessa, I am sorry that I would not be able to send you off on Monday as I guess it might be too hard for me to say goodbye (and of course you will be coming back like December for your semestral break) It seems like yesterday that I wrote your testimonial and remember you in your blue pinafore. And there you are now, a confident lady going to embark on something new. I hope that you will read the gift I gave you as it was one book which i felt will be something impactful and meaningful. I am happy to see you moving on so well in your life and hope that you will do well for your studies and come back and make your family and friends proud. Challenges await you ahead and believe me the fruits of labour will be even sweeter with each trial and tribulation.

As i was writing this, a tune started ringing in my head. I googled it and there is the lyrics

Joel Mcintyre

"Stay the Same"

Don't you ever wish you were someone else,

You were meant to be the way you are exactly.

Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.

When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.

And I hope you always stay the same, cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.

[Verse]I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be

If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.

Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,

Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

[Chorus]

[Bridge]Believe in yourself.

Reach down inside.

The love you find will set you free.

Believe in yourself, you will come alive.

Have faith in what you do.

You'll make it through.

[Chorus]

Take care and God Bless!

The one with the About my teacher career

In continuation with what i set out to do in my previous post, I decided to write a little bit about how I was enticed into the teaching profession and finally took it up as a calling and a career.

Memory lane back to 1989, when I have exchanged my khaki shorts for the long white pants of an upper secondary student. In the only class in the entire cohort which take history and literature as the humanities in the pure science cohort, the class 3s5 was considered as an oddball. However I guess that was where my love affair with the subject started.

Young man with hormones raging, and there she was, a sweet history teacher who left the NIE just a couple of years ago. She was not really the prettiest thing on earth, but in my eyes she was a goddess, someone who was kind enough to give us help and explain history, and of course satisfy our curiosity for the bloodiest and gory stuff of the 3 Java wars. I can always remember the many times where she would take up the afternoons ( yes then school really ends at 1.00pm) to get to know us better and of course to enthuse us with all the history books with the troves of information. She was not really the most interesting teacher, in fact she fall into those category of a typical history teacher who flashed transparencies with summarized versions of the textbook which we would so studiously strained our eyes copying and busily highlighting our textbook. Perhap it was her ( I guess most probably) that got me my consistent A1s for history, and with success you start to breed interest. In fact I find myself working harder and harder for the subject to impress her. I guess it was then the seed of the love of the subject and finally the decision to become a teacher like her was laid.

Fast forward to the present, a casual comment by a member in the school who mentioned that there were only 30 out of the entire sec 2 cohort opted for history in the trial streaming exercise only served to tell me that history is a dying subject. Maybe kids nowadays are not as "guillible" as I was or I was deemed to be "not-that-attractive". I guess the under the belt insult that I am not as fresh and as goodlooking as the Geography teachers only bring the harsh reality that I am indeed getting old (Sigh!!)

I am really quite sick of all this, unjustifiable comparison between history and geography and this peddling of the subjects like commodities or shares which were perceived to have better returns or values. I think I just need to sit on the toilet bowl and flush out my thoughts.

( PS I think I am having my mood swings again.... must be the stress acting up... I think)

The One with the earned recognition

Sometimes the honours of a leader has to be earned

2 incidents which so happen in quick succession showed me what it meant to be slighted....

1) When the P introduced the key personnel during the parents-teacher dialogue, guess who was the only one present not mentioned?

2) when the sms was send to all Key personnel regarding the cancellation for the photo-taking session, guess again who was the only one oblivious and dressed to the nines?

It is already hard being a Key personnel, and it is even harder when you are not recognised as one ( sure th meagre allowance do soften the blow a little)

Maybe it was a mistake.

The One with the Nothing Positive

In my blog surfing to find equally depressing people in the teaching profession, :P, I saw a comment written on a fellow professional's blog

In the blog, Mr A wrote that teachers blogs are generally depressing, and it had in some way made his cousin think twice about joining the sacred profession. He was glad that Jeanie had address this issue and I quote
"Your positive tone helped remove the depression I felt. And I think you are right. We must remember WHY we joined and if we have not left yet, we must still feel the passion somewhere in us. If there is no more passion left, we should leave. And not gripe and moan and do a greater disservice to our profession."

I totally agree with what A say about depressing teacher blogs. In fact it is not usual to see teachers griping about the system, the students, the colleagues and every thing under the sun. Sad to say, as teachers, sometimes we do not have the proper channels to address our frustrations, our unhappinesses or even our take on certain governmental policies which would have been dumped if we were the Minister of Education a day (hey everyone is entitled to their own opinion). But as an individual, everyone has their own take on issues that concern us and the very fact that we gripe about it, show that we are passionate and bothered by the things we see and experience. I do agree that griping too much can be detrimental to the service and to our own physical well being but I also understand that we need to let it out our systems at times. The fact is teachers do complain and the fact is that teachers who do complain do have this passion. Sometimes it is this passion that really got us burned out and frustrated.

I have to admit I do moan and groan and the sad/true thing is that the very fact that I have made my identity known means that my every actions, words are under constant scrutiny to the students, parents, fellow teachers and *gasp* MOE officials ( Now I wonder whether it is because of this that I am not being promoted as fast as I hope for, or maybe it is just my CEP ;P) But then again, I stand by what I have written and I know that the very fact that I bothered to even write a blog to document what has happened, is a good indication that I have *sadly* made teaching my life and my mission. And I must say life is always bittersweet and never rosy :)

( Maybe an audacious appeal to all the teachers bloggers who read this, to write about why you join teaching in the first place and what prompted you to continue on and on everyday. Maybe as what A say, this would be a timely reminder about our "mission" in life. :)) Not if you would excuse me, I got to overcome my initial depression of the blues from coming back from my reservist)

The One with the TLLM

I attended a IT class on how to do podcasting and was fiddling with it with a colleague during the computer lab.

This is my first attempt at podcasting. So the quality is really bad. Do give your comments.

TLLM?

PS the issue may be a bit controversial and I have to acknowledge that I drew some inspiration from a fellow teacher blogger's blog entry ( This blogger had gotten quite a lot of flak recently and I shan't add fuel to the fire). Contrary to what people may feel, I put this up not to whinge about the things I am doing but rather as a form of trying out a new way of expression. As such I am just experimenting with the topic.

If of course the content is too rauchy or too controversial to your liking... Well.......