The MEAN ME is back (almost)

I haven't blogged for years. Well the old me, I feel. Welcome back, I feel like a spirit in transition, creepy but I feel that my evil twin had "invaded' my body. Well chosse the following response, do you like a) the old me? b) the new me ( ie the past few weeks) or c) there was a difference? But I feel that my PMS period is ending. period. Starting to get the momentum back but I am just waiting for the National Day to disrupt everything again.

Anyway, I realise that I have "lost" my acute sense of lameness especiallty when it come to the delivery of jokes. I attempted a weak effort this afternoon with my form class, since they have been always "supportive" but I guess it fall really flat, so flat that it look like a pancake. Then again pancakes are supposed to be flat.. But then I digress.

I ALSO realised that my 'mean'ness also went down a couple of notches this period of time. I just lack the zest and vigour to scold and scream. But let me warn all of you , I am about 605 back and I should be in full swing by next week. Watch out IJ!!

Haven't you been looking at the blocks of flats as you walked along the streets. For those who feared an intrusion to privacy and suspected that I am a voyuer by nature. Let me assure all of you that I am. Being a typical Kapoh Singaporean, I love to keep my eyes wide and ears open especially to interesting sightings and juicy gossips. One of the thing that I observe is the serious lack of patroitism among the Singaporeans. To justify my point, let's do an oonline survey. What will you do when Singapore is under attack? I know that this is an old grandother/grandfather/granduncle story but so are the response to be chosen. Is it

a) Stay put in Singapore and defend Singapore. This is my homeland ( and break into choruses of Kit Chan "Home" or the horrific Tanjong Katong Primary version? Anyway what happen next, hip hop version of "home"?)

b) Leave? (Come on let's be realistic, how can an island take so many people since there will be foreign invaders coming. The countries is already facing a serious overcrowding and the least we need is having people to take up extra space. Anyway we need to reproduce more Singaporeans to keep the fire burning.)

c) Singapore? What Singapore? (As I always mention to the rest of the Sec 4, Singapore is oh so big that a spit, a piss and a shit from every citizen of China will be enough to drown or/and bury us whichever come first!)

Which answer have you choose? The politically correct one is of course a) and of course as "patroitic" students you will choose a). But then again is this the answer that is deep in your heart. Feel it, (take it out with a knife, massage it a little) and is it pumping to the rhythm of Majulah Singapura? Sad to say this is not how many feel. Some Singaporeans just didn't bother to put the national flag outside their flat. Have you notice the patoitism level goes lower and lower and lower by the year. I did a simple count of the number of flags in my block and got a shocking 3!! 3 out of a blaady 100 plus flats. Talk about patroitism!!

What's wrong with Singaporeans nowadays. This is the 39th birthday of Singapore, and Singaporeans are not participating enmasse for the celebrations. There are also Singaporeans who are making use of this long break for a trip up north or south or anywhere except in Singapore. Singaporeans are far too deprived when it come to holidays and no one is willing to let this opportunity for a short break miss. But if you can stay at home to attend your mum's dad's or grandpa's birthday, why can't you just stay for the country's birthday? Many argued that patoritism is not wearing it on you shirt/dress/blouse, but through actions. People also agreed that going out is not an act of disloyalty. But when it come to the crunch how many people would really be bothered about all the little things about protecting the country? While we don't associate attending National Day Parade and putting the National Flag outside your flags as acts of patroitism, but these are a start.

If you see a half naked man, with a unflattering body trying to fix up the flag outside his flat. Take a second look, it could be me after getting my conscience pricked by this article that I wrote.

Fragmented Thoughts

Today is Honours Day. Nothing to do with me as usual. Woke up on a regular time at 6 and got there at HDB Hub at around 7 to meet all the prize winners. I am in charge of the 2003 prize winners. Great, getting to see all my ex-girls. McDonalds Breakfast, a big one, down with a cup of lipton tea, 2 and a half packets of sugar. The caffeine did got me out of my slumber. What a way to start the day.

An ex girl came to me and chitchatted with me while we are waiting at the holding room beside the auditorium. "How are you, Mr Ng... How are your classes this year? Are they as good as we?" I smiled, eyes darting from one point to another. Well my eyes betrayed my intentions. "They are fine, just different in their own way" She smiled too.

Saw the crowd dwindled after the Honour Day celebrations. Ms Tan left, the rest of the teachers got on with their weekends, CIPs, boyfriends, girlfriends, families etc. Stayed back till 1 to oversee the moving of the art pieces back to school. Was back in school till around 2 plus. Went out for late lunch with Mrs J Chu, Ms Yap and Mr Chan. Great time chatting , had chickent rice.

It is end of Saturday. Waiting for the AC Milan against Manchester United game at 12.55am. Didn't talk , feel shitty.

Stay Positive! I'm trying. What's wrong?

Of grates and ingrates
 
It seems years ago that I have blogged.  Nothing really spectucular or bitchy to say, maybe I am just too desensitised to do anything.  Still trying to get my school life back after the so-many disruptions and distractions in class, the National Track and Field Competitions, the Honours Day Celebrations etc etc
 
I noticed that I will always be "down" (pessimistic, grouchy, moody and most importantly mismatching) during this part of a year.  My mood seems to be going on a roller coaster, on its way down.  August and September are bad times for me.  Maybe just like girls with PMS, I have mine too although it comes in a yearly form and last for a couple of months.  Innocent girls had faced my wrath this week and I can assure you that it is just an indication of my patience waning off.  If I have been telling you people things that are mean or that I have raised my voice and gesticulated in a barbaric fashion, I guess it is just my suppressed unhappiness at play.  But then again, I have been just too nice at times almost to the point of indulgence and some of you are apparently taking advantage. 
 
"Gratitude" is a word that I advocated and live by, and I want my girls to know that.  Which means that uncalled for treatment to teachers especially from my form class gave me a sense of deja vu.  It was just like 4/3 2004 over again.  The class was a nice class but sometimes like an over protective father, I tend to overlook some of the flaws.  But the other teachers disliked the class for their attitude and cockiness.  "INGRATES" a words ingrained with the class as they leave.  Somthing I feel responsible for, something I felt so inadequate to resolve.  But starting with 3/4 I am absolutely sure this is not the path I want the 3/4 girls to go.  And I want "gratitude" to be the mantra of this class.  Not that I am enforcing or forcing it on them, butiIf they can't even learnt that, I think I have failed as a teacher.  And looking at some of the comments on the tagboard of the class blog, maybe I have failed in changing the mindset of some of them.
 

 

Random Thoughts

With my new found friend from the Track and Field Meet, we went to Leng Kee for another round of car hunting.  Sigh.. Prices of car are getting cheaper and cheaper and I am having a greater and greater desire to get one.  Being a good man and saving for it so far, hope to be able to get the ten percent deposit soon.  My wife prefer the metallic blue colour and I should respect her wish.  I choose the car and she choose the colour.  Fair huh?  Then again I will be able to chauffeur her from one place to another once I have the car.  Talk about conveniences.
 
I managed to finish the book by Dan Brown yesterday nite and has started on the next "Angels and Demons"  so far 40 odd pages through and the story is pretty ok.. Let hope it will not fall flat like the ending of the Da Vinci Code.

 

Pissed Off (Part 2)

Went out for a later lunch - not really lunch more like a high tea with two colleagues.  Felt better after food in the tummy.  As for the issue of being wrongly accused.  Maybe we just have to look things from another angle or even no angle at all.  Simply bochup might be the best way to evade all those sickening problems.  But then again these few days some people around me are really getting on my nerves with their unreasonable tantrums.  Sigh!!  Would be just assuming that it is again the "time of the month".  In fact having to look at this issue now, I feel that some of the colleagues are really abit uptight when we talked about things happening in school.  It is not as though we are revealing alot of intimate details just some trival stuff to get the girls interested in the lessons, to break the monotony of things.  But then again I realise some teachers just lost the zest and the spirit to see things in the positive light.  I would be fine if I was used as an example if no harm is done.  I seriously wondered why are they so Like Dat??  Maybe if they let things go a little, life might just be alittle bit happy.

Just glad that I need not have to be in school tomorrow.  Will be getting a well deserved tan at the Choa Chu Kang Stadium.  Watching "I Robot" tomorrow.  Will try to post a review of the movie tomorrow night.

 

Pissed OFF!!

Cut the crap
But I am in a really pissed-off mood today. Dammit, I'm mad! ( Whether you read this from left to right or right to left...)

Started the day by going into a mentally and emotionally draining class.  I can't imagine myself going in for the next 3 months or so.  It is so upsetting to see that they are so disinterested and so problematic. Arghhhhh!! This is really sickening!

How will you feel to be misquoted and accused of something that you DIDN'T do?  And the best part is that your colleague would rather believe what the students say rather than what her colleague say.  This means 2 things.

1) my credibility or the lack of it....
2) the girls cannot be trusted to keep secret.

Damn!

 

SNAGs- a glorified term or does it mean more than that ?
(First appeared in my website... found this quite interesting... thus decided to revamp it and put it in my blog...)
 
This is an issue that I believe, had been on the minds of many Singaporean men: "What's wrong with us?"

Seriously, my answer to that is a simple twist to the question. Instead of asking the question above, we should ask "What's wrong with the Singaporean women of today?"

Before all the overly driven feminists cringed and bared their teeth over yet another chauvinistic attempt of a particular Mr. Wong wannabe to further demean and discredit the woman graduate population, let me explain my stand.

Some women commented about the glass ceiling that their workplace have for capable women.  Well for the information, we are not holding it back ( no sexual connotations here) but to call a spade a spade, women nowaday are still a discriminated lot.  You are not required to serve the nation with 2 and a half years of your life and of course be there for the country 24/7 for the next 13-20 years of your life, even though many of you are dying to do so.  You would never have to face the ignominity of being called a freeloader when you don't work.  You can shout "rape" "molest" or anything reeking of "sexual discrimination" without even batting an eyelid.  You can get things done your way, with a raising of the hemlines, a lowering of the bustlines and the occassional tantrum throwing.  These are things that men can't and so what is a little of the glass ceiling about.  I admit that there are many women which are far capable than men but in a world striving to be equal, there is still a need to address this mindset issue.  Give up chivalry if you want equality.  Sometimes these two are just mutually exclusive. 

In a shocking turn of events, nowadays, men and women have simply faced a reversal of roles; men had been facing an identity and gender crisis; at this crossroads of the 21st century, men need to reevaluate their roles; it had been no surprise to hear men now wanting to settle down and start a family, whereas the women are asking for more time to consolidate their careers. This was totally unheard of 20 years back. Sometimes faced with parental and societal pressure, many women resist the idea of settling down, fully believe that singlehood is the right answer to their demands for freedom. Is this the problem of society or is it that our women are just too choosy. I read with great interest from a certain magazine that Caucasians are better lovers and even better on the bed as compared to the deadfish Singaporeans who cared too much about the stock exchanges and whose idea of romance and marriage and living together is to ask a girl to apply for a HDB flat. IS it that the Singaporean men are not SNAGish enough? But I digress.

Men are expected to be SNAGs, or what they referred to as New Age sensitive Men, Men who will reveal their softer and fragile side, be it the shedding of tears in the upteeteen screening of "Titanic", watch girly stuff, do girly things like talking and tlaking and sharing.... SNAGS are also men who enjoyed shopping, aimless shopping (YES not those target acquired, go buy, pay with credit card, and out of store in a jiffy) window shopping. Take it on the face value that you are the ultimate SNAG? why not look at it from another point of view?  Is the SNAG supposed to show the feminine side of men where women are fast losing it?  And in looking for the SNAG, are the women looking for someone with that something that women are fast losing or have lost it. 

I have friends who lament that women nowadays had lost the "F" factor.  No sexual connotations here, but the "F" I mean was "Feminism".  And to put my point across, a short visit to the Orchard and you will see androynous looking people with serious sexual crises.  In an incident a couple of years back, it was quite shocking to see one of my ex-students strutting down Orchard Road with her galfren.  Obviously she was shocked to see me but at that point of time what was on my mind was the determination to put up a non judging appearance although I was grappling deep in my heart whether I should condone this, especially now it happen to one of my former gals.  I am totally okay about it but the main crux is about is the feminine nature that is so far lacking. Or is it that Men's role had been slowly diminishing..

An unsettling thought tell me that one day just maybe one day, men may lose their role and become extinct in the face of these ever capable women counterparts.  Or will we see a regeneration of men's role comparable to that of the evolution of the apes. One day as the two grannies look at their granddaughters and tell them that they were conceived via frozen semen provided by a so called sperm guy.  That will be the time where Men will seriously have to look into their roles.

With that chilling thought in mind, are there any willing SNAGs out there?  

Harm-many Day
 
The Racial Harmony Day is fast becoming a farce.  Well kind of. Girls exposing midriffs in over sized saris, cutey mules, and the accessories that will make a cow blush with embarrassment.  All they need now is just a little makeup to complement the look.  But then again, after being deprived of the opportunity to dress like themselves during the Youth Day celebrations, the RHD is a elaborate fashion parade for the fashion conscious eager to stamp their fashion sense on the  bewildered school community.  While "bastardising" the culture and the ethnic costume was not one that I will advocated, but the ingenious creativity of the girls was impressive.  Who would expect to see an SIA girl among the ranks of the girls.  You have girls with mini cheongsams which apparently was handed over to them by their primary school sisters or friends.  In a wide array of colours, patterns, size and degrees of modesty, G Armani should have come to IJ for a scouting for the next model to parade his next collection.  While some of the models can pull it off with the different fashions, there are those which ( how should I put it in a non-humiliating way) really CMI with the attire, flabby legs, arms and tummies... Sigh! ( MY EYES!!!!)   
 
Today I truly understand how insensitive or desensitised the girls are especially in the presence of a male teacher.  In various stages of "undress" and "redress" (The saris were either too big or wrapped in a la-ketupat manner/ or in traditional chinese lingo like a rice dumpling)  I should spare the details but all I can say is that  they were totally oblivious about adjusting their attires in the presence of ME!  One unnamed girl from an unnamed class was changing her shorts in the class.  If I am on MC tomorrow, it must be a result of sore eyes!  But then again, the main issue is should I feel that the girls are too comfortable with me or  has the years in IJ having a toll on their awareness that I am a thorn among the roses.  *Shudders*  Should I say that this is the top compliment or greatest humiliation. 
 
Talking about marriages, the marriages between the four members of staff during assembly was a blast!  It was entertaining and most importantly so hilarious!!  Love truly was blind, but so were the pairings which was a total mismatch!  It was a great stress relief to a hectic Wednesday. 
 
Let face it, if everyday would be so funny, then can I have school everyday?? :P

The Ghosts of the Future
 
Somebody... please "kill" me.....
I told myself again and again that I just have to finish reading those books especially the "Da Vinci Code".  And i have also started on a new book known as "The Tipping Point"... but alas, I was caught up with a new distraction.  There is this new set of Hong Kong Serials known as the Supernatural Detective Files, ten episodes and cost around $18.30 from TS Vision.  I was watching a short preview of it outside the store and was quite fascinated by the story.  I am never a fan of drama serials but then supernatural stuff always spoooked me.  I can be quite a scaredycat when it come to spooks and supernaturals.  I can never watch those Korean and Japanese supernatual ghost movies.  They totally freaked me out.  Guess this is a side of me that not many knows.  But then again... talking about the Hong Kong drama serials, I have only watched 2 episodes but so far it has been pretty captivating.  I am planning to watch it tonight and try to finish it together with the piles of marking I have. 
 
Tomorrow I will be spending the whole day at Choa Chu Kang Stadium.  Which means that I would not be in school tomorrow.  But rest assured as all responsible civil servants, I have prepared work to occupy the classes.  And just a general reminder, the add maths test will be on this friday .  Good luck!! 

By the ways - left, right and centre
 
BTW 1 For the most observant of the sec 3 or 4 girls who see me lunging a laptop with cables and accessories to class everyday with fail, that was a laptop I bought with my first bonus in teaching four years ago.  How time flies!  As an old lady faced with the taunts and tortures of age, she was no longer as responsive as before, and most important it constant need a life support ( ie power supply) as the body lack the energy (battery supply)  Rushed down after the Track and Field Competition to the Acer Service Centre and Jurong East.  The serviceman recommended that it would be good to let it go peacefully when time come, no plastic surgery, artificial parts/ upgrade needed.  Felt so helpless when I can't do anything to help her.  Well might as well, start looking for a new laptop.  New things for old.  Luckily i am not so mercenary when I come to real people.
 
BTW 2 On my way back, I took the bus back.  It was those with the advanced features such as TV mobile.  I know some of you will really cringed when talking about that irritating box which really spoilt the tranquility of the bus ride, wehn we can watch the world fly past and smell the flowers.... :P It was like the most irritating until the SMRT upped it with that increasing annoying MRt screen which while showing the arrival time of the train, decideed to show some movie trailers.  Well Won Bin and Baey Yon Ju were ok, the irritating factor was really great when they show that wannabe movie "The Best Bet" when that horrible techno jingle keep playing after an interval of 30 secs. ( and you thought that Eminem "Without Me" that I have chosen was irritating...)  As I was sitting right at the back and  couldn't see the screen very clearly.  I could hear some of the soundtrack and so I decided to watch the people instead.  It was also interesting to watch passengers watching TV.   It sounded like a surgical procedure was taking place on screen. It was amusing to see the open mouths and then the grimaces of passengers. Then I wondered who decided what goes on the bus boob tubes. Would they ever consider showing "Speed"? How about an "informercial" on how to report errant bus drivers by calling 1-800-X-DRIVER? Why doesn't the Speak Good English Movement (SGEM) show examples of good spoken English  since people watch them are usually those who can afford to spend a couple minutes to learn a few new phrases and terms?
 
I bring up the last point as I was appalled by the descriptions of those friends of mine who commented on the way the flight stewardesses speak. That SGEM ad could feature two scenes...

Scene 1
A stewardess asks a male passenger "Can I helpchu?". A cabin door suddenly bursts open and she gets sucked out of the plane. As she exits, the stewardess curses in Hokkien but it trails off quickly. Punchline: Bad English Sucks Big Time.
 
Scene 2
The clone of that stewardess asks the same passenger "How may I help you?". This time the passenger morphs into Prince Charming and they mount Pegasus and ride/fly off into the sunset. Punchline: Good English Isn't Just For Fairy Tales.

Yeah, I know it's only a fantasy, but that's television... even if it is onboard a bus driven by someone having an epileptic fit induced by the lack of durians. 

BTW 3 Speaking of TV and durians, have you watched the latest comedy on local TV? It's called "Durian King"  It was one of those comedies that make me really sit up and watch.  Even the theme song was damn catchy something like 'durians durians... '.  It starred Adrian Pang who was a lawyer bankrupt by his bad investments.  Talk about "suay".  When was the last time you buy somethig and saw its prices came plunging down.  There was also Kym Ng who was a singer-pop star wannabe.  The ones that really got me laughing my head off was when Adrian Pang was dreaming of a "sex-capade" he had, where the girl was feeding him with whipped cream... and when he woke up he saaw something whitish on his mouth, the pigeon had decided to use his mouth as a makeshift toilet bowl!  He went looking for  water and started washing his face and mouth with a pail he saw and to his horror that was actually a pail containing Kym's undies.  The best was when Kym stared at him and said "You played with my underwear" and Adrian replied it was a mistake and he was just washing his face with it.  Talk about punchlines!!  There was also the "seow" ah beng who went around stalking Adrian Pang and said  "this is my terri tori". Damn funny...   The chemistry was great and I believe that Channel I would have found a new legion of fans waiting for the next episode.
 
BTW 4  Have you read something on the Singapore Idol?  Seems like it is fast becoming a farce.  There was a comment made by the judges that they have already an idea who is going to be the top three and that speak so damn well of our pool of talents we have.  Most of them are karaoke or bathroom singers.  There was also this speedo guy who strip to his trunks while singing.  That also prove my next point that only really stupid people would appear on television?  And when I say that, I dont' necessary mean the competitiors but sometimes the parents of the kids in the Singapore Brainest Kids (Answer: I guess that's the only way they hope to make money. The rest of us slug away in the rat race.)   There should be another rating to join the ranks of G, PG, N-16 and R(A). It is S for Stoopid, so stupid that it isn't even spelled correctly!
 
But then again, if you have anything burning to say or comment your stoopid comments are most welcome.. 

Deadlines and Punchlines
 
I got to finish the book by Dan Brown "the Da Vinci Code" by this weekend.  It is not that the book is not interesting enough, but I am just too tired at times to finish reading it.  As for my peculiar reading habits, I have books almost every possible area, the coofee table at home, by the bed, beside the computer table, in my bag, in my other bag and yes in the toilet ( which account for the "savoury" feel of the book at times"  Currently I am reading the following books in different places and different times: John C Maxwell "Developing the Leader within You", Dan Brown " The Da Vinci Code" and John Grisham "The King of Torts".  A friend once commented on the way I multitask, and how I would not be able to capture the mood of the story if I stopped at times, and worse, readintg 2 or 3 books at the same time.  Well i always beleiev that if I can have the opportunity to read all the same time, all the better, and of course this is a reading habit that I can't change.
 
Talking about reading habits, I must really start watching those DVDs I have bought over the past few weeks. "Bruce Almighty", "Charlie Angels 2", "Stalingrad", "Enemy at the Gates", "Minority Report", "Ong Bak" etc etc.  I have this compulsion to buy stuff when I see something that I like, even though I may not have the time for it.  I really have to learn to control my spending if I want to get my car.  Priorities Priorities and Priorities.
 
 

GET The HEll off My Screen!!

Popups. Don't you absolutely hate them? Well, I hate them. There's very few things in the life of an internet junkie that are more frustrating than those annoying little ad boxes that jump up, totally out of the blue, screaming "SURPRISE -- BUY ME!"

It's like swatting at mosquitoes, only you have a chance to get them before they bite. But you are dealing with blood suckers either way.

Now, before anyone accuses me of being a computer neophyte, I know that some browsers can be adjusted to block popups. I am also aware of the many programs that are available to act as a shield against these pests. But I find that these interfere with some web pages that just don't work the same if you won't capitulate to the Popup Piper.

In any case, I'm totally sick of being force fed information regarding the following:

THE SINGLES GAME
There's one that says "thousands of members online now" right below a picture of a woman who looks so hot she should be out jilting Average Joes. Uh-huh. Then there's the one that says, "find romance and friends with scientific matchmaking." Scientific, huh? Gee, I sure hope this doesn't involve peeing in a bottle. Who do they think they are, Clone-A-Mate?

FREE INSURANCE QUOTES
Gee, I can't figure out why I'm skeptical. The quotes might be free, but I'm sure the premium payments are extracted through the nostrils.

WIRELESS PACKAGES
Buy the cell phone and get cash back. Nah, I got a better idea. Just give me the cash and you can keep the handphone.

MORTGAGE RATES
At an all-time low, huh? Click your state and refinance? I keep looking for Singapore, but nothing's there. Oh, that's right. Singapore is NOT A STATE!!! Stupid, lousy, geographically-challenged thing...

FREE SMILEYS
Get another 8,000 free smileys? How many emoticons does a person need? Right as though we will use every single one of them.. can't life be alittle simple with less emotions.

AROUND THE CLOCK CASH FLOW
It's some sort of money making scheme masquerading as some sort of money making scheme. Their "revolutionary system harnesses the power of the internet and advertising," but the ad won't tell you what it is -- unless you hand over a heap of personal information and/or dinero.

CONGRATULATIONS AND SALUTATIONS
I'm utterly astounded at how often I'm somebody's millionth site visitor. Flashing lights, floating balloons... How come I don't get this lucky playing the lotteries?

And last, but certainly least:

FREE PORN
I don't care if it's free -- which I know it's not. I have no desire to be watching any jungle-fetishist, old-man spanking, monkey-pulling, whip-cream wearing, tranny nymphos at work.

Sheesh!

What about you guys? Name your two cents worth of crap. The tagboard section is open for your bitchin' pleasure.

Traits of SOME girls

I am not trying to be mean or witty but a general observation on the things that happen in my workplace. Some comments made which I think worth mentioning...

1) Grrrrrosss…(said with a stress on the letter R)
This means you have said something amazingly disgusting and the woman, in all probability, is disgusted too. Gross is often followed by a long drawn Ewwwwwww...

2) Oh, reeeaaallllyyyy… (said with a stress on each syllable of the word Really)
This means you have said something amazingly witty and the woman cannot come with a good repartee.

3) Excuseeee meeeeee…
This means you have said something disgusting and the woman cannot believe you actually said that. Normally, a verbal barrage follows this. I think I don't have to mention whose famous/ favourite catchphrase is that??

4) Ok ffffffine…(said with a quick OK and a slow fffffineeeee)
This means you have been relentlessly saying something disgusting and the woman will comply… but only against her will.

5) Hmmmmmm… (normally said over Messenger chats)
This is a good sign. NO. This is a MAJOR breakthrough. This is the stuff Camp David or the Indo-Pak Bilateral Dialogue is made of. This means the woman in question is ACTUAlLY thinking what you have just ask of her.

Hmmmmmm..... well as always something to ponder on for a short internet break...

A Big Screw Up

Today I really "screwed" up... Let's face it who in the right frame of mind would use a four-letter word in the lesson, especially during a lesson observation!! I was actually going to say that Hong Kong and Shanghai were fighting and of course in a absolute slip of tongue, it became... (well it is up to your imagination) Sometimes it just need someone to use the slip of tongue to explain what happen this morning, yah thanks to all my precious little 3/4 girls, who couldn't stopped giggling and of course our dear Gillian have to add onto the joke by giving a comment " the two countries can't satisfy each other" adding another nuance to the whole skewed perversed situation. But luckily for me, the whole lesson went on smoothly. I know I can trust my form class when I needed them. :)

Found something interesting though... laugh my head off. click here
I am in the mood for nostalgia. have been watching all those extremely old Hong Kong vampire movies. In fact I also don't know why I have been spending so much money on all those vintage VCDS and of course watching it over and over again. You know those with "vamp"ies jumping from one end to the other, sucking blood and killing people. I have to say that the directors are pretty ingenious in giving the vampires a mind of their own. In some scenes they were jumping in a straight line, in some they were walking like human beings. I have already know what will happen, who will die, what will the exorcist do etc, but I still watch it. Nothign on the TV that will captivate my attention. But then again I digress.

I am setting the A Maths paper for the test next week. Friday that's it. I hope all of you who are reading this will rememember to study it, and of course Ace it.

But then again, who knows?

Scattered Thoughts

It is the end of the week. A short respite to the pathetic and frantic pace of the working week. I am waiting for the RMUN girls to appear in front of me for conferencing. Where are they? And why is it three o clock in the afternoon and where did my time go to?

Sometimes I wondered if my life would have been more productive if I would to fly back home everyday to do my stuff. Damn I must really get the car. But then again, taking public transport can really allow me to sit and reflect (ie sleeping and drooling), to observe (sights and sound and even smells)

I got the Hitler movie to watch so that I can be ready for lessons. Half way through and pretty nice show, with a very intense performance by Robert Carlyle. I find him a greta actor who managed to protray the mood and the personality , the angst of a aspiring artist, the innocence and finally the ruthless leader that we came to know. I can't wait to show the movie to the girls. They will definitely be interested. Well people like to watch thing that are a bit on the perverted side, whether it is the person or the show itself.

My computer is starting to get a shorter and shorter lifespan. "Die" on me yesterday. And again at a crucial time when my wife got to finish up with her presentation this afternoon. Is it because I have been abusing it too much such that it cannot function to its ripe age anymore. But then again, all things dies...

Attended two wakes the past two nights, one was the grandmom of a student and the other the grandpa of a close friend.Quite different, one is a catholic wake and the other a traditional chinese hokkien one; one quiet and solemn, the other noisy. I prefer the second one, maybe it brings back memories of my late grandparents'. I was even sharing my knowledge about some of the dos and don'ts with my friends.

I found that my thoughts are really scattered today. If things don't make much sense to you, don't worry, it didn't to me.

Educational Purposes

For those who are expecting me to give my 2 cents worth. This is it.

Actually I have decided to update the blog so that it can served its role for education (ie contaminating the young and imparting desirable behaviour). Thus this is the structured essay question answer scheme. Click Here!
if you have problems logging in, please use the following: username: SSCHIJTP password: ilovechij

For the 3/1 girls, this is the Yahoo Group as promised.
Yahoo Group Name: SS312004

I have placed the first set of work at the group discussion. Go and have a look!

50 Useful Insults

Ripped this off from the net, and I thought I was rude with my comments!

1. Shouldn't a guy with your IQ have a low voice too?
2. After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in
cases of incest.
3. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental.
4. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you
worse advice.
5. You are as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker.
6. You've got diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
7. I wonder whether you'd still be an idiot if you'd had enough
oxygen at birth?
8. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
9. Your job must be to spread ignorance.
10. Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be left out
alone.
11. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
12. You should need a license to be that ugly.
13. Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut
it down.
14. Every boy has the right to be ugly, but you abused the
privilege.
15. Grasp your ears firmly and remove your head from your ass.
16. You have the IQ of lint.
17. You are depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
18. You are living proof that man can live without a brain.
19. People would follow you anywhere, but only out of morbid
curiosity.
20. I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind
that I'm not listening.
21. I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a
vulture would eat.
22. I feel sorry for you because you are so homely but I feel
even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.
23. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the
blame.
24. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be.
25. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I
have a much lower opinion of you.
26. I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't
seem to get my head that far up my ass.
27. If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents.
28. If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
29. If I wanted to hear from an ass, I'd fart.
30. If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself.
31. I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep
trying.
32. I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the
way of your ignorance.
33. It is mind over matter. I don't mind, because you don't
matter.
34. I've come across decomposing bodies that are less offensive
than you are.
35. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission.
36. Look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know
you've got a palm.
37. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
38. People can't say that you have absolutely nothing. After
all, you have inferiority!
39. Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
40. Someone said you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up
for the pigs.
41. The inbreeding is certainly obvious in your family.
42. We all spring from apes but you didn't spring far enough.
43. We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
44. When you fell out of the ugly tree, you hit every branch on
the way down.
45. When you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to
take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much.
46. When you were born, God admitted that even He could make a
mistake!
47. You are about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat's
ass.
48. You are living proof that manure can grow legs and walk.
49. You have an inferiority complex - and it's fully justified.
50. Aren't you the poster child for birth control?

AND how to be sure if someone is an Idiot?


You can be sure someone is an idiot when he/she:

Spends twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because it
said concentrate.

Puts lipstick on their forhead because he wanted to makeup his
mind.

Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.

Sends a fax with a stamp on it.

Was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin' "Free Lays!"

Tries to drown a fish.

If you gave them a penny for their intelligence, you'd get
change.

Thinks socialism means partying.

Trips over a cordless phone.

Takes a ruler to bed to see how long they slept.

At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he
put Sagittarius."

Takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Studies for a blood test and fails.

Invents a solar powered flashlight.

Sells the car for gas money.

Heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moves.

Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 bus twice instead.

Takes you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport
left", he turned around and went home.

Spend his/her valuable time reading my 2.10 cents worth when he/she should be doing somethig constructive :P

My Dream Car

It is 5.40pm in the late afternoon. And after a couple of caffeine loaded tea from Sri Lanka, I decided to write a new entry to my blog.

Was in school since 10.30am, got caught in the rain when I was on my way to buy breakfast. Got drenched, as expected! Started with all my backlogged stuff, preparing lessons the usual thing, when all the people are enjoying their Youth Day holidays. I guess this is what those people say as no life. And I guess I shouldn't even start rambling about this thing about teachers since I have been talking about it over and over again.

Just to explain my absence on the two days (Saturday and Sunday) during the 150 years celebrations at CHIJMES, when I heard that many ex-students wer asking for me. Anyway I was there already at 7am in the morning,busy with the panels for the artworks in the cathedral. I dropped by briefly at 8 pm in the evening only to be dragged out of the celebration by my wifey who was too tired to go on walking in her heels. And I was there AGAIN at 12.30pm on Sunday helping to dismantle the panels and bring them back to school. Just to assure the people the I was doing my part for the festival :P

Anyway, I got really bored with writing and marking and I started surfing the net for my dream car at this present moment. I found myself even more inspire to get a car after looking at pictures of these babies. Anyway I have zoomed it down to this one! Yes!

Harry Potter, the Singapore Version

Found this very funny, wanted to share with all...


1. Qualifies as ‘foreign talent’ immediately. (Some more, his talent is damn foreign, one.)

2. Must buy COE for broom.

3. Also, after parking broom, must remember to put coupon.

4. Hogwarts becomes part of Through Train Programme.

5. Hogwarts to be renamed ‘Magicopolis’.

6. For mother tongue, put down ‘‘Parseltongue’ instead of Malay, Tamil Chinese or French

7. In potions class, learn that potions can be either ‘heaty’ or ‘cooling’.

8. Will have to deal with being labelled a “mugger” in addition to a “muggle”.

9. Have fun along East Coast Parkway, shouting ‘Lumos!’ and disturbing the lovers in the bushes.

10. SingTel to provide owl-delivered messages as option in their mobile plans.

11. Hagrid kena put on the Trim And Fit programme.

12. After graduating from Hogwarts, kena do NS.

13. People will keep calling Hermione “Her-myon”.

14. The Dursleys will make him stay in the maid’s room instead of under the stairs. (The maid will stay under the stairs.)

15. Prisoner of Changi.

16. Encouraged to faster marry Hermione and have three kids before thirty.

17. Encouraged by Gahmen to become not just a “wizard” but a “wizapreneur”.

18. Gahmen declares it aims to make it to the Quidditch World Cup by 2010.

19. Meanwhile, Singapore Pools starts accepting bets for Quidditch.

20. Because of lightning-shaped scar on forehead, asked to join Youth Wing of certain political party.

21. Formation of Order of the Phoenix kena rejected by Registrar of Societies.

22. Cannot refer to dark overlords by actual name. (No difference there.)

23. Harry. Good name, same as that of a Minister (guess who?)

From the website http://www.talkingcock.com/

Youth Day

when the Ij girl graduate from the school, she will not remember what content you have taught, or even some of the interesting lessons you have given; she will remember you as a teacher and mentor and most importantly she will remember you for the wackiest performances you have put up on Youth day...

IJ had this interesting tradition where the teachers have to entertain the students. This is when the IJ teachers showed off their hidden talents (whether it is singing in the shower, or in front of a ear-muffed audience in a sound proof room) This is also the opportunities where the teachers sportingly and unsportingly "humiliate" ourselves for the laughter and entertainment of the students. Last year was a break from this tradition but then again, there were just so much things which the staff and students were involved. The SARS outbreak, which seems so distant, the IJ Carnival in late June and of corse not forgetting the super short semester when we had to catch up with the syllabus and at the same time trying to rush out prepared students for the O levels exams

But then I digress. Over the years, I have to say that it is a acase of the heart is willing but the body is weak. This year was also untimely with the 150 years celebrations with a substantial amount of the students and staff away from the rehearsal at CHIJMES and I can guarantee that next year will be a similiar situation when we start the mad rush of moving back to the new IJ building

So what does all this mean? Things had changed and I believe that it will take a long time before the culture will start settling in again. Sad but true.

I remember the last time when we performed (or embarrassed ourselves) in front of the students. We did a dance based on the music "footloose" and we had a wild time. The second year saw more professionalism when the teachers spent the three days prior to the concert practising. We even edited the music. I believe we did quite a commendable job. The third time we did these, I can see that even the enthusiasm of the teachers was waning. As it goes over the years, it became a chore on top of the bulk of work we have to do, which never seems to be decreasing. Heck, we didn't even have that much time with the students, and bond with them anymore. I shuddered when one day we will just be like machines teaching in classes, where students will even have a hard time trying to remember what's the name of the teacher. Now that's a scary thought.

For memories sake, I would put up one of the archived pictures of the Youth Day performance. And mine it really remind me how far we have gone. Now that's fun!

Com to Me

I'm having a break now which means I have enough time to ramble, ramble, ramble.

I miss the good old days when I received a new e-mail from a friend everyday. Damn I even missed the time when I received letters from friends. Now, I only receive spam. I keep receiving spam from someone who wants me to have a bigger penis. There are also those who has this subject Re:Hi and the next thing you see when you open the message are nubile girls in various states of undress. It is common to see mail with advices and suggestion for finance restructuring and loans and even insommia. I guess at the rate I am reading those mail, I would properly need that! I keep marking the e-mail as 'spam' everytime that stupid Microsoft Outlook filter doesn't seem to work against these things. The spams are getting smarter and smarter. Sometimes, I dream of murdering spammers. Lock them up in a room with no windows and played piped in Hokkien songs non stop! Well that will really be torturous!

My computer died on me a week back. It didn't even say its last goodbyes. When I started the computer, it was silent, less the cpu fan which was stuttering. After a couple of attempt of CPR (Computer Personal Revival), I declared it "dead". I sweated a couple of perspiration and "tears". My 6000 words essay was in the hard disk and I can't retrieve it!! Argh. Lucky for me, I was able to enlist the help of our capable TA Mr Chen and he was able to fix it by getting a new motherborard and cpu. 300+ dollars gone. And after restarting everything, I realised I got the cursed sasser virus! That is the one who reboot your computer over and over again, and if that's bad, I got the spybot virus, the one that track every keystroke on the keyboard. The stupid Norton Antivirus kept prompting that they can't delete the file and can't remove the virus. I don't know what kind of virus it is. It's a sly one, I must say. I don't know where I get these things. I don't even use my computer 90 percent of the time. Most of the time it stared back at me when I go to bed. Anyway it took me a couple of days to finally rectify it. Anyway it also seem that my firewall doesn't work against these things known as adware, you know those stupid pop-ups which are screaming for attention. I found the perfect solutions for it , two excellent shareware which is downloadable namely, ad-aware and zone alarm It will make your computer a la-Troy, unless if you get overly complacent!

With that I will like to end today 2.10 worth of comments with a little comment from an ex student.
ex student #48291: Intriguing reads you have here, Mr Ng! It is quite a breather from all those tasteless schoolgirlish blogs I see dominating the online journal community these days.
Although I hope u are under the impression that by declaring ur blog public, u allow urself to fall under the vicious scrutiny of a large number of gossip-hungry beings that are ur IJ girls.

Firstly I would like to express my thanks to this girl who have "spoken". As I mentioned in my first blog I wanted something different for my blog, which account for the refreshing approach that will differ from the "those tasteless schoolgirlish blogs...dominating the online journal community these days" But I guess that reading things from a teacher's perspective is something new to a student as you will see a different aspect of me. I also understand that I will also be in vicious scrutiny but let's put it this way, we can't please everyone. This is also to my girls who had received nasty or even vicious comments on their tagboards. It served nobody's interest to continue the flaming when you don't even know who that fellow is. It is up to the reader to decide his/her take on the issue. And as the term blog mean, it is YOUR own web log where you share your take on certain issues and it is to be true to yourself that you need to be bothered about.

With that, shoot me down! :P

Brought To You By The Letter "M"

'M' is for Mission completed - Master Assignment

I can finally heaved a sigh of relief and show the sign of victory when I am typing this blog ( Sorry got to wipe off the silly grin on the face) After a couple of months (actually effectively about 3 intense weeks) of serious trepidation, perpiration and constipation, my "master"piece is finally ready. It is high time actually. Got to rush it before the deadline of 1 July 2004 to Sheffield. Thank God for email and the DHL!

A colleague once told me about his experience ( make a guess who he is? *grin*) He made a scathing attack on pseudo academics like me and claim that writing an essay is just copying from one book to another and of course adding references, no big deal about it. When I sought his professional advice, he shared a "painful' experience where he wrote an essay on "Jazz Music" which he claimed without using any reference and all "in his own words", he got a D. I laughed so loudly that I almost fell off the chair, though I have to save my work before I actually do that. Anyway it is quite a relief, now I will just have to wait for my next study school in september to start... and then the whole thing starts again argh....

'M' is for Maths

The holidays assignments was a huge disappointment.. only a handful from the classes handed in completed work. It is upsetting to say the least that there were some who can give me all sorts of excuses for not doing them. I must say that so far the girls had been dong their work and I hope my benevolence in giving them an extension will ensure that the assignments will be handed up.

Much of the following article was written some months back and was relegated to the deepest darkest recesses of my hard disk. It complained, it cried and it howled as it dragged its ball and chain. Actually I forgot all about it until I had the chance to relate this story to some people I know. Looks like the story isn't the only thing that has been gathering the proverbial dust... Expect a proverbial ending.

'M' is for Money and Madness

If you haven't already noticed, the world has gone mad. Why would you pay a lot of money to sip a tiny cup of coffee that takes forever to prepare (ironically called an espresso, you know, as in express-o), take it out of a perfectly good air-con environment only to sit in the humid heat of Singapore and get an overdose of cigarette smoke ?

You could get the coffee (by some other but no less colourful names) at a local kopi tiam! The coffee would be so black that it would sneer at the text on this page. It would be so strong that it would walk across the table and slap you on the face before jumping back into the glass! There would be more in the glass at a fraction of the cost and you could do things in a kopi tiam you wouldn't be caught dead doing elsewhere, e.g. pouring the coffee into a saucer and hitching your leg up on the seat. If you had a white singlet on, you could roll it up above your belly. And it's al fresco some more!

I am also reminded of a billboard outside an eatery along Orchard Road that offered a healthy lunch of salad for $20 al fresco. Hmm, charge a lot for very little and prevent you from sitting in the restaurant... a very good idea indeed. Speaking of good ideas, some "clown" had a good one recently.

'M' is for Mrrors on Reflection

As a teacher, I had the opportunity to interact with colleagues and students, and to share with them the highs and lows that life had to offer. Although as a result of me writng my essay for my master, I am literally facing the computer every day and night. With computers you generally don't get the fickleness that is life but they do have a way of being "human". They can ignore you (hang), get sick (virus infection) or put you on a guilt trip like a woman (error messages you don't understand and make you feel that you have done something wrong). Now that I have the attention of both sexes, allow me to lead you back to the main story...

I think being "away" from people for the last few days (my mind was on my essay anyway... it is another person u see in class teaching the students :P ) has made me more aware of the way people behave. (Either that or I am misanthropic and just critical of people in general.) It may seem strange but look at it this way: you often have to walk away from a problem to gain a new perspective on it. This is akin to the way the proverbial guru sits atop a mountain so as to gain pearls of wisdom even though he is miles away from the sea of humanity. You don't have to be part of something to be able to identify with it. This may seem contradictory but that is the logic behind why Roman Catholic priests can counsel married couples on relationship problems and also why we need not smoke/take drugs to know that they are filthy habits. I consider myself an interested observer of humanity and while some of what I see saddens or frightens me, there are things that amuse and intrigue me. What follows is a bittersweet episode.

I was on a bus enroute to Orchard Road from my home to the National Institute of Education ( Now at the unearthy place near the tip of tuas!). I ventured to the back of the bus in an effort to exorcise the "ghost" that lives there. Apparently the other passengers thought I was not an effective talisman and stayed away. However, there were two youngsters seated below me (I was standing) who were oblivious to the "ghost", to me and to the rest of the world. The girl sat by the window while the guy was right underneath my nose. Speaking as loud as he did, it was difficult not to hear what he said even though I was plugged in to my favourite MD player. The guy was telling the girl about a relationship he had in his "younger days" (:P I imagined him hitting on the pink bundle in the next crib at Kadang Kerbau Hospital!). He had the annoying habit of starting every other sentence with "And then, after that, after that...". You might think I am exaggerating but I actually took note that he did! It was my way of amusing myself on an otherwise uneventful journey. Or so I thought.

I forgot about him after a while despite his Jackie-Collins-meets-Days-of-Our-Lives type narration but he was not to be ignored. He decided to comb his dyed-brown hair with floppy centre-parting (a la Leonardo diCaprio). He lovingly stroked and combed his hair while continuing with his story. And he did so while using the backside of an audio CD as a mirror! When he finally put the CD away, he turned to his companion and asked her if she had a real mirror. When she asked him why his CD wouldn't do, he replied that it wasn't shiny enough! She offered him a tiny mirror in a lipstick case. So out came the orange comb again and he began moving the mirror this way and that as the bus swayed to and fro. In my opinion, his hair didn't look any better or worse for the treatment. But it must have been comforting for him. It was comforting for me when he finally stopped. It was even more comforting when he did not proceed to carry out other forms of personal grooming in public.


So what's the deal here? What meal am I going to make out of Mr/Ms "Annoy-mous" simply leaving not-so-flattering remarks on the tagboard? Force them to watch "William Hung in action" on vcd with their eyes wide open until they screamed for mercy? To be continued... check back soon. [cue: cheesy music)

Get it off your chest (or Episode One-The Little Menace)

A lady doctor back home in Singapore who tried to breastfeed her baby at the Esplanade was caught red faced. According to the letter to the Straits Times Forum, the lady covered herself up in order to keep everyone happy. But a security guard told her to leave! In fact this is not the first time that a similar issue happens. If you have been reading the paper or started reading the paper in the year 1999, there was also a similar incident when A lady was been told by an employee of the Orchard Road Coffee Bean outlet not to breast-feed because it was considered obscene. In solidarity, a dozen or so breast-feeding mothers staged a sit-in at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at Forum Galleria 3 weeks later to make the point that mothers should be able to nurse their babies in public.

Anyway let's be upfront about this, have you noticed the signs in fast food joints or other makan places that declare that food from other establishments are not allowed in their premises?Heck, even the cinema have a similar situation. (Which means cheepos can't make their own popcorns and bring it into the theatres) Or in some places, no food or drink allowed ( YEs the MRT is one of them) The place in question really took this seriously, didn't they?

Hey a baby's got to eat! Everyone else was eating so why not junior? If mummy asked baby "Coffee, tea or me?" what answer would you expect? So what if the packaging and utensils were a little different? It's only natural. About as natural as the need to produce solid, liquid and gas i.e. defecate, urinate or flatulate (translated: poop, pee or poot). If there is one thing I have learnt in life it's that when nature calls, you jolly well answer, "Yes, ma'am!"

There are some who might say that the mother could have been more discreet or at least aware of our social mores. Others might suggest she could have retreated to a public toilet. But would you like to munch your lunch in a public loo with the accompanying sights, sounds and best of all, smells?

How about our social obligation to provide more nursing areas in public places? There will be times when a baby needs to eat and a woman cannot possibly balance baby, two other kids, NTUC plastic bags and open umbrella (for cover) in public. A baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do. So does momma. While I agree that some people are not used to the sight of a baby having really fresh milk, I think that others are hypocrites. One woman cannot breast-feed her hungry child but another can barely wear a top and get away with it.

In less developed countries, women breast-feeding their children is common sight. Are we then a more complex society? If we have evolved to a stage were a woman cannot breast-feed in public while others can strut on a cat/sidewalk with necklines aspiring to be hemlines, then I say that evolution has gone wrong. Something as natural and beautiful as a mother tending to her child is "weird" while something fleeting and flippant like fashion is "normal"?

On a side note, have you seen a parent and a child with pants down to the ankles (of the kid, not the parent for crying out loud!) and the former encouraging the latter with "shh-shh-shh" sounds in public? I have been "privileged" to see this for myself outside a departmental store and over a sink in a public loo! Somehow I get the impression that this is not frowned upon as much as breast-feeding in public. This is the quirkiness that is Singapore.

But then again, that's my 2.10 cents worth.

P.S I have decided to continue to put the so called "offensive" picture on my blog. Then again it is MY blog and I should be the one deciding what I want or don't want. :) (Make sense??)

Hair today, Gone Tomorrow

It comes around about once a month. I feel terribly uncomfortable as the date draws near. I cannot wait for it to be over. Once it is, I am full of relief. If I miss one, I fret.

I am talking, of course, about a haircut. I cannot live with hair touching my ears. It is so irritating! But I digress.

I was at my regular barber when I overheard a conversation between a grandfatherly customer and a newly recruited barber. Most men at Ah Pek's age, if they still had hair, would use the remnants to "camouflage" their highly reflective domes. (This is like an elephant trying to hide behind a lamp post.) So I was surprised to hear him ask for a "crew cut".

As the barber cut the old man's hair, the latter talked to the former almost non-stop. In between snips, I caught something about the quantity versus the quality of hair. Then this exchange took place.

Ah Pek: "Do you know what a bald patch in front means?"
Barber: "No." [snip-snip-snip]
AP: "It means the man is sexy."
B: "Oh." [snip]
AP: "How about a bald patch in the back?"
B: "Dunno?" [snip-snip]
AP: "It means he's a thinker."

At this point the barber took the bait.

B: "So what if the man is botak (bald)?
AP: "Then the man thinks he's sexy!

It was an old joke but the old man laughed as only old men can.

I tried not to laugh. After all my barber had a blade in his hand. I didn't want to end up with a Tyson souvenir. Without my ears, I can't see. (I wear glasses, doofus!) But then again having to wear contact lenses is also quite ok, not that I am vain

Well, that's it. I know it's not great literary work. (What do you expect for two cents?) If you have got something to say, get it off your chest
But if you have nothing to say, then I would like to bring your attention to one courageous girl who tagged my board with the following message
“hi mr ng,chanced by your blog..and i think u shld take down tt picture,cos i think tt guy in e photo spoils the entire image of it..it will do detriment to your readers eyes.please do us all a favour. “

For me It is
1) gratifying to know that my blog actually had a viewership of ex students
2) heartening to know that I have made an impact, alas negative one in this student life
3) funny that you don’t even recognize that the man is me?
4) funnier to say the least that all the students I taught turn out to be as rude as I am?

Maybe I should really accumulate more positive karma and then be a good man? So that I won’t get all this nasty remarks? But then again what is the fun when there is no nasty remarks? :P

The Damn Driving Test

Words can't really express how I felt. I would remember this day, 22nd of June 2004. Full of even numbers. For those who is really interested to know what happen in history today, you can check out this website. which will give you an update on what actually happen a couple of years, a couple of centuries or even a couple of decades back.

I find it ominious to check these stuff before I take a test. In this day, at Chicago's Comiskey Park, Joe Louis wins the world heavyweight boxing title when he defeats American Jim Braddock in an eighth-round knockout. Louis was the first African American heavyweight champ since Jack Johnson.
And for the history girls, do you know that in 1941 this day Germany launches Operation Barbarossa--the invasion of Russia. On this day in 1941, over 3 million German troops invade Russia in three parallel offensives, in what is the most powerful invasion force in history. Nineteen panzer divisions, 3,000 tanks, 2,500 aircraft, and 7,000 artillery pieces pour across a thousand-mile front as Hitler goes to war on a second front.
With these historical victories in mind, I booked today's test. And I declare that today is the day......

I PASSED THE DAMN DRIVING TEST!

Actually I was kinda of lucky, managed to clear it by the skin of my teeth and also that of the tester's when I did a la-schumacher along certain turns which have him hanging to his dear seat. He gave such a solemn look hat I really must practise it to scare the IJ girls when I returned from the semestral break. He look at the score sheet and tend clear his throat as if there were thousands of ants crawling in his throat. With his red pen (yes it was red) he made some crosses on the sheet and look at me again. I could feel my heart sinking, it would have dropped to the ground into a million pieces if not for my underwear supporting it. We have an interesting exchange (not phone numbers )

He: Is this your first test?
Me: No...
He: Then should have drive better what? You didn't practise enough is it?
Me: No...
He: Panic is it?
Me (trying very hard to be confident) No..
He: So should I fail you? Hm...
Me: No...
He: You almost fail do you know?
Me: No....
He: Anyway just correct some of those minor mistakes, you should be ok. Any questions?
Me: No...



Me: YES!!!!

I guess the whole of the SSDC can hear me!

Great! Now i can start relying on the website to tell me when it will be a good time to do this or that and maybe when to have a kid. And just don't try to choose the following dates: April 28, April 20, December 21. Let see if any discerning students can find out whose birthday is it? As for a good day, 1st of October , according to academics, soothsayers and fortune tellers, this is the best, kids born on this date, would be smart, intelligent, good looking and of course with a wicked sense of humor. Guess who then?

As the smart, intelligent, good looking and of course wickedly humorous sign off his two cents worth. If you still don't get it, you need to stay away from one girl in 3/4 2004.

Becoming a better Man

Some say that everyone has a special skill, an ability to do something exceptionally without effort I guess for this holidays , my unique facility is procrastination. If it was taught in university, I'd have my PhD by now, and won't be thinking of getting my Masters. I can spend countless hours on unproductive activity, convinced that it is important, certain that it is actually work. I can't stand dumb movies and havingto watch like Jackie Chan's Police Story III for the last twenty times, but right now, because I have to write my Master article, it suddenly seems entertaining and alluring. Let face it, even writing on my blog seems more enriching :(

Sadly procrastination is not a skill that has a lot of demand in this world, and after realising that I have made one too many excuses for being late, I have suddenly come to the realisation that it is time to do something about it. I need a set of rules, 6 golden rules that will make me a man rather than a boy with excuses.

Rule No. 1 No more internet access
Like Pavlov's dog, I get all excited when I see the connection to the WWW activated with the speed of 3.4 Mbps. My broadband had connected me with the rest of the world! By the time the Singnet homepage appears, I am ready for anything. I may only be connecting to check my email or to see my share portfolio sinking even lower, but I spend my time visiting websites that had suspiciously nothing to do with what I am doing or what I am interested in. How will one see my peculiar habit of visiting the online IKEA catalogue or the soccernet website when all these statistics and information have nothing to do with me? I may not have save myself time, not to talk about the online shopping that I am doing for countless hours and the online window shopping on eBay! well it made me a better shopper, I have also wasted valuable time and electricity! This however, has led to the next rule.

Rule No. 2 Less Internet Access
Forget bout rule no. 1, I know it is almost impossible to cut off my connection with the world (since I am such a well-connected person) and yes I admit that I am an internet addict. First I got introduced to it in university, I experimented with it and even convince myself that it can be useful; it can make me more creative and more connect. Then years later, I looked back at all the time wasted in a cyber stupor and wonder what have happen to my life. The need to repent had made me gone to the "Community of help for Internet Junkies" (OR CHIJ for short.. now you know why you are here huh! :P) Of course for internet usage, cold turkey is out of the question, so a mere reduction will do.

Rule No. 3 Be early
Theorectically easier than the first 2 rules but harder than it is because it actually required the success of the first 2. When dealing with deadlines, my normal practice is to work out the bare minimal amount of time to get the work done. Of course things always takes longer than you estimate them to be, so my work never get delivered on time. My miraculous and innovative theory suggests that if ou were to actually do the work first, you would finish early, get the work submitted on time, be stress-free and have time for a relaxing caffeine break before doing more work

Rule no. 4 Go to bed earlier, get up earlier
Forgive my wonky logic, for I believe that if I am more awake I will procrastinate less.And when I mean by early, I dont mean the weehours in the morning like 2 or 5am The Euro 2004 gamnes had me up to 5am in the next morning. I wake up half past 12 most of the time. And I would not be given any trophy or medals for staying up so late to watch the game!

Rule no. 5 Eat more vegetables and fruits
Now I am really sounding like my wife and mother! This rule has nothing to do with procrastination, but it is now time to stop procrastinating on taking care of one's body but to really eat well. Note to self: A 250g family block of Cadbury's fruits and Nuts Chocolate and a pack of family size potato chips do not constitute to one serving of fruit nor vegetable!

Rule no. 6
I haven't thought about it yet, Still procrastinating as I watch my Master Essay going into my 3rd redraft!! Sigh. Hey time for lunch!

And that's my 2 cents worth for the sanity of my readers!

Euro Fever and I am getting the heat

Have you been out on the streets these few nights? I mean around 7 to 9 in the evening?

It is desserted opps deserted! Other than some juvenile girls and some lovey dovey couples and some lovey oldie couples, there is only a whiff of masculinity, (and it is just like a short fart). I was leaving Suntec City at around 8.30 pm yesterday and the usual bustling and jostling among the crowds was a mere memory. What could that be? Must have been the Euro Championships 2004, the event that occurs once in every four years.

Men (most of them, other than those who are suspicously metrosexual) would swear by 2 things, football and beer. Well as for the third thing, human copulation, it only come when either one is absent and the other is in excess. (:P) I am not a big fan of beer so my two most important things are...

For the past few days, I have been living the life of that of an owl. I wake up late in the morning, start typing my Masters assignment and then I stay awake to read and read and write and write. When I am bored with stuff, I amuse myself ( dont get the wrong idea) by watching DVDs - I watched T3 - Rise of the Machines, not for Arnie but the babelicious TX, and of course Stephen Chow movies. I think i still have about 7 DVDs which I had bought but still in sealed condition. Soemtimes I go for a short walk, just to refresh myself after facing the computer for too long. Which is why I was wandering on the streets at 8 plus in the evening. Where most men would bring their work wearily bodies back home, have a quick shower, a quick bite and then a nap before they again wake up at unearthly hours to watch the game.

Just to assure those who are concerned about my sanity after hours of facing the computer screen in the day and the TV screen in the nights/early mornings, let me set your minds at ease by announcing that I am still intact in one piece.

Anyway I got this xiao neighbour who sweared every time an important episode of the soccer game, and mind you this is in the middle of the night or early in the morning., Not that I have any complaint on the free lessons on the hokkien* lexicon of expletives. But really after a day , it was kinda of endearing but after 2 or 3 nights of that, it kinda of get on your nerves. And mind you, it is not just a missed chance or a goal or an own goal, this fellow, basically sweared at every possible situation, such a goal kick, a foul or even the fans waving to the camera. I think it is his own peculiar way of keeping himself away in this unearthly hour, although I won't mind asking him to join me, kinda of lonely watching it myself, on a big screen TV, though the thought of a saliva pelting singlet clad ah beng is not really my ideal couch partner. As for my better half, she is blissfully asleep and thus was spared from this undesirable education. I am just wondering if these words would have a negative effect on her sub conscious. By the way do you know that your subconscious has a power 30000 times more than your conscious? Which mean that if you get a tape to put in all the formulae of maths or even definitions of physics or chemistry terms, and played it throughout the night, you can actually memorise it without any effort. And I kid you not. You can also "programme" yourself to be the type of person you want such as " I am the most hardworking person in this world". Well that is indeed a lazy person way of getting studious. But no harm trying right. Just don't input the wrong thing as your sub conscious cannot distinguish what is right or wrong, so if you give him/her/it the wrong information it will take it as it is. Talk about being guillible.

*It seems that Hokkien is one of the most uncouth dialects. It did not help when many gangsters are usually hokkien and litter their sentences with regards to the male and female anatomies and even "undue concern" to each other parents

Went for my driving lesson just now. Really have no mood for it. Nearly gone into an accident, but guess what I am still alive to tell the tale! Guess I have something of higher priority, like writing my 6000 word essay. Sorry if I am getting abit on your nerves on this, I guess this is the only thing that I have in my mind now, other than s** (opps) Ha ha gotcha!!

I think I am really getting a bit boliao (Yes just getting boliao). I have been listening to this oldie, kinda of, called "Hands in Heaven". Heard it before/ It is a great song, something worth listening over and over again (sic!) Nothing really spectacular. Maybe just a bit lonely facing the computer for the whole day. You would too, if you have a 6000 word essay to write. Into my first draft now, and I am (word count on Microsoft word Word XP) urgh!! 2353 words. Still got 7 books and 10 articles to read. God! Help me!!

Will end this post with the song by Breathe "Hands to Heavens". To my girls who is facing stress in your work or even in your relationships. Hope that the song will soothe the soul and the blog will tickle that. If you like the lyrics, and would like to get a copy of the song, just come and ask me for it, and I guarantee, it will not be more than 2 cents worth...

Breathe "Hands to Heaven"

As I watch you move, across the moonlit room
There's so much tenderness in your loving
Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve
God give me strength when I am leaving

CHORUS:
So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday
Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness


As we move to embrace, tears run down your face
I whisper words of love, so softly
I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane
Without your touch, life will be lonely

CHORUS

Morning has come, another day
I must pack my bags and say goodbye, goodbye

CHORUS

Sri Lanka Travels

I had been rather lackadasical when it come to uploading my blog. Just came back from Sri Lanka a couple of days back and was busy getting into the frenzy of Euro fever 2004. It has been a busy week indeed. England lost yesterday, I was trying my best to keep awake. Damn the French for leaving it so late to win the game, not that I have anything against them.

I haven't had the time to talk to my wife since I come back from my trip. At least 300 of my shots were in Mr Bernard Chan's laptop, which accounted to the fact why I have not tried to upload it into any online diary. He had gone to Hong Kong for a short getaway and will only be back later in the week. Guess I will have to do without the photos for now.

In the meantime, just to update some of the itinerary for the Sri Lanka trip. I know lots of girls had said so much about it.

We assembled at Changi Airport Terminal 1 and prepared for departure to Sri Lanka on Emirates. It was quite a mess, everyone was trying to say goodbye to each other. Anxious parents, boyfriends, aunties uncles etc. I was all alone and for once I actually feel left out as a result of this. Watch "Starsky and Hutch" on the flight, great movie! When we arrive at Sri Lanka Bandaranaike International Airport, it was two in the morning (or 4am Singapore Time) The weather was chilly and everyone was sleepy. We meet up with our guide and also some Singaporeans who were there. They presented us with small garlands. Welcome to Sri Lanka!

The morning view was exhiliarating. We were beside the Indian Ocean and it was exciting seeing the waves at such close proximity where we are having breakfast. The Hotel Galle Face Hotel was a colonial government building, and was curiously vintage.
We visited the city and a school before retiring back to the hotel.

Day 2 We started the day with a tour around the captial of Sri Lanka Colombo and visit to the elephant orphanage and take part in feeding baby elephants. IN the afternoon we visit the Dambulla famous Cave Temples after a traditional Sri Lanka Lunch
We attempted an amazing feat by climbing 2000 plus steps up the 8th wonder of the world, Sigiriya Rock. The dinner was great. Had a couple of beer with Mr Chan. We were bushed! Need to have a good night sleep

Day 3 was jam-packed with activities. We visit the spice gardens where I got some stuff for my wife, some natural healing creams and products.We got up close and personal with nature and the Royal Botanical Gardens. We also visit the gem lapidary where I beleive all of us got a good understanding of the different gems in Sri Lanka. We attended the Cultural show at a dilapidated Hall which had a leaking \roof. But I guess it did not dampen the spirits (Sorry for the pun) of the students. The highlight was of course the visit to the Temple of Tooth Relic. It would be better to look at the pictures once I put it on the online photo album.

Day 4 was really a travelling day. We had to make the journey back to Negombo so as to catch our flight tomorrow morning. On the way, we had a small Kandy City Tour. But the most memeorable of all is the trip to Nuwara Eliya where en-route we saw waterfalls & went to the Tea Factory to learn the tea making process. We reached the hotel at almost 10 pm after about 12 hours on the road. The funny part is to see the girls running to the loos and queuing up for the ladies. Thank God I am a man!

The next morning after breakfast at the hotel we checked out and transferred to the International Airport and bid farewell to the wonderful land of Sri Lanka for our flight back to Singapore.

It was a memorable trip and one that is too short. Will definitely find the opportunity to go there with my wife. Next year perhaps?

I am back!

To my ardent readers, I am back. Just finished a swift packing of my stuff, a hefty 3 kg worth of smelly laundry and gifts ( tried to separate them into differnt compartments, hope the stench can be contained)Most importantly, I left behind my prejudices and misconceptions and brought back tons of wonderful memories.

Having a bit of a jet lag now.. even though Sri Lanka is only about 2 hours ahead of us. Well I guess anyone will if you have a group of IJ hyenas who laugh at every possible thing and of course star struck girls who were clamouring to get a shot of Fandi Ahmad and his gang of disgraced Singapore footballers ( I just read that they were thrashed 7-0 by Oman and I thought it was a rugby score)

Need to get the photos updated soon. Will put it online to share with all those who did not join us for the trip.

Peace out!

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (contd)


If I have a penchant to write dark things ( in black OHT markers and black or blue whiteboard markers) it could be due to my experiences with "horrific" girls.

Are you scratching your head, or any part of your body about the post I had yesterday? Why did the novelist in me show so prominently in the last post. It was a day of great significance to me. It was the day I got married 2 years ago. A day i could still remember vividly, but I shall not divulge too much details.

After surrendering my freedom to my love, I must say that so far our relationship have been wonderful! It helps when the two of us shared common interests. Actually *sheepishly* we are quite opposites. My wife is a more outgoing type but who can be extremely quiet and reserved. I am more the indoor/introvert (aka nerdy) type who can fill up an empty room all by myself ( not in size). She is into canoeing before , like trekking, camping and anything outdoor; I love the fine art, enjoy a cuppa, with a good book in hand and fear thrill rides. I guess this is what people mean by opposities attracts! We got together purely by "accident". (Not that type of accident) She used to sport shoulder length hair and with her bookwormish specs, she look extremely demure. To cut the long story short, I guess it was love at first sight. After a couple of months of courtship, we got together and in less than 2 years we are happily married.

Yesterday was such a nice, homely day for us. We didn't want to go to the cinema as it was jam packed with people, tennagers, elderly and kids. (please read my post on Show Business). We decided to go out for a nice dinner at the Esplanade hoping for anice comfy dinner with some peace and quiet, but there was a huge crowd watching an outdoor performance. We rush back to spend the rest of the evening at home, watching Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets on DVD. Nothing really eventful but it was simple and romantic.



Really need to spend some time with my wife before I go on my Sri Lanka fieldtrip.

My Master thesis is settling down well, meaning it is starting to gather dust. Got to start working on it before I go for the trip.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Two years ago, this day.
It was a sunny morning. I remember.
The sky was dark, it was in the wee hours of the morning, an unearthy hour
Men cladded in black, in sombre colours. Awakened by only a motive in mind
With an offering in hand, a huge procession followed. It was important, an event of much importance.
It was an event of no return. There was no way that the protagonist can back out.
Was the beads of perspiration, the trepidation an indication of the turmoil going through his mind.
It was never easy, everyone murmured... It is sealed for life, the skeptics shook their heads in disbelief.
Amidst the chaos, the protagonist steeled his resolve
It was a path he must take
The protagonist was me...



To be continued...
Will our protagonist aka me continue to stupefy the minds, occupy the bandwidth and fill the evil thirst for gossips of a IJ population born to criticise?

Will the author face a defamation suit?

Will you come back to read the next "exciting" half of...
"My 2.10 cents worth (with GST)"?

Show business

Don't ask me what the title mean, I have absolutely no idea myself!

I recently caught the show "Shrek 2" at my favourite cinema with my favourite movie kakis. It has been a long time since I watched a movie in a cinema (where have I been recently??)There was lots to see and hear, not all of it on-screen. Cinemas and the audiences here have received much flak from the press, Usenet and other media. I have decided to consolidate some of my amusing and not so pleasant experiences over the few years of movie watching into this interesting blg ( I hope it is interesting) This is my salvo. Ready, aim...

Firstly, I think the cinema operators were very concerned for our safety. In event of a fire, earthquake, hailstorm or worse, the uncontrollable urge to fart, the emergency exit was located on the left or right, in the front of the hall. How did I know? They put a bright 'Exit' sign on top of the door. Heck, they made it so bright that patrons noticed it more than the screen. As our attention drifted from subtitle to subtitle, what we see is " Are you sure this is the case EXIT", "Let's go EXIT", "I want to make you mine EXIT" But then again who are we to complain? It's for our safety, what!

Everyone has their seat of choice. Mine are those in the very centre. (That way I don't look like I'm peering over my shoulder after I leave the cinema.) I had this wonderful experience of sitting right at the back of the cinema, and witnessed a more than exciting "copulation" between a teenage couple. Not that I have anything to complain about, but I really didn't get my money worth especially with regards to the movie. Although I caught an RA show in the making, what the heck, I still have to watch the movie (the one actually showing on the big screen) another time, and this time I had to make absolutely sure that I am sitting right in front of the bloody screen so that I will not be tempted by earthy desires. (My Father! I had sinned!!)

There was also the unfortunate incident that happens to my movie kaki. She is vertically challenged ( short you dork!) and the fellow seating right in front of her, although as vertically challenged as her, decided to accentuate his height by giving himself an outrageous hairstyle, one that looks like it was held by at least 2 cans of Brycreem! And watching the movie was difficult when there was a "bush" swaying from side to side.

Anyway back to the seating arrangement, whoever prepared the floor plan on the computer booking system had a serious case of parallax error. While somethimes the seats we chose were close to the centre (on-screen), once in the hall we found we were practically facing the emergency exit! There were instance when the movie operator assure you that the first row is quite ok and you realise the fallacy of his/her argment when you literally "lost" the character when he or she move fromone end of the screen to the other. I shall avoid that hall from now on.

Practically when the movie starts, all the cinema Bozos decided it was open ring day at the circus. In the front row, having a combined weight of 360 kg, the Soft-Spined Sixsome armed with snacks and handphones. Usually these are young bengish boys who find security in numbers. These are skinny boys with singlets and beach shorts and of course the very essential accessories, the slippers. Oh yes, these slippers that were proudly displayed atop the seats in front. In the left corner was Willowy Wallpaper Woman armed with Horridly Harmonic Handphone and noisy jacket, with handphone in luminous colours, playing to the polyphonic tune of some chinese 5566 songs. This man was so keen on giving the commentary of the movie that one wondered how much his handphone bill was:

"Yah I am watching a movie... I call u back can... what movie hah... don't know lah, some cartoon my girlfriend want to watch... say it is quite good.. no no no haven't start yet, now commercials, yah.. ok no problem, the show should end by 6 plus.... at Orchard Cineleisure... want to meet for dinner? Sure why not? .... tell you what, we meet around at 7 lah, ok at Lips.. which lips? the one at Orchard Cineleisure... ya ya the one Ah Seng meet Julie... the waitress quite chio one.. you know hah.... ok, any thing I sms you... ok... you call me later, can? Ok ok, the movie started about 10 minutes ago.. talk to you later........." ARGH!!!!

There was a type of person known as Mr Skeptic. His reason for coming to the movie was obviously different from others. He fell asleep midway and decided to let everyone know by snoring with a resonance that would make an elephant turn pink with embarrassment. Another type, known as the Mr Commentator who said the obvious (and obviously wrong) in English and (horrors!) Hokkien while his missus twittered with every word or sentence that left the mouth of the heartthrob. (E.g. HT: "Yes." She: "Hee-hee-hee." HT: "Thank you." She: "Hee-hee-hee".) Aiyah, leave your hubby and buy a poster, lah!

Handphones rang, tinkled, sang and did anything other than vibrate. For goodness sake, don't you people understand the fancy introduction which the cinema operators create just to remind you gently to keep the bloody phones in silent mode! Didn't you tell mommy dearest where you were? I would love to see the day when all handphones must be left at the door. They could use those airport metal detector bridges or scanners. Better still, train dogs to sniff them out! (Hey, it's not impossible. We are the same country that banned chewing gum, remember? Wonder if any MPs watch movies at cineplexes...) Most of the time I needed all the concentration I could muster to watch the show. I must have looked constipated. Good thing it was dark. (Stop flashing the handphone around!)

All this pales in comparison with one incident. In one show I had watched, a character (I shan't spill the beans/guts) got hit by not one but two cars! It was very realistic and a terrible shock. The greater shock I got was when most of the audience laughed! I think these were the same people who laughed when they watched 'Saving Private Ryan'. These people should be shot. Or run down. Or both. I volunteer to administer the coup de grace.

In case you didn't notice, they forbid you to bring your own tidbits to the cinemas, instead charging you twice as much for a pack of popcorn, sweet or salted. The amount of money one spend on a movie for two is enough to feed a kid from a third world country 3 meals a day !!! If they think people would be ripped off, then they are damn right. Have you seen people carrying popcorns, drinks and hotdogs, with kids in tow into the cinema. It was just like a circus! In fact what can be most annoying is when these people to add additonal sound effects with their chips munching, and the noisy slurping of their corn soups (yes! that's true)

Which is why I invested a cool 5K on a sound and entertainment system at home, so that I can watch the movie in peace and pause appropriately for my overworked bladder to go for a well deserved toilet break!

If you have got something to say, get it off your chest (but keep your shirt on guys and especially the girls), do email me or tag my board. If you were one of the clowns in the cinema, go honk yourself!